There’s just something about being in a relationship that can turn us into crazy people we don’t even recognize. You can be a perfectly sensible, reasonable person who behaves normally, and then all of a sudden this person comes into your life who hypnotizes you somehow with their apparent perfection. Suddenly, past values and morals go out the window in the pursuit of sex, or who knows, maybe even Happily Ever After. Then, after the spell wears off, you’re left wondering which window you threw your values out of, and how you’re going to get them back. If you’re feeling like you need to get yourself together so that in the future you can feel good about yourself and get in a good relationship and enjoy your life… here’s some advice on how to get that fantastic future started right this second.
My girlfriend and I have a serious relationship together. She thinks I’m cheating on her even though I am not cheating on her. She also has been trying to find ways to track my cell phone or track my text messages. She’s now questioning if I am bi or not. She did all this without talking to me as I found this out. What do I do and why is she doing this? I am not cheating on her, nor am I bi and I have nothing to hide. I love her very much.”
– Robert (30, Lakewood, CO, USA)
Clearly there’s something going on here, and I think there are two main possibilities. The most likely one, I think, is that your girlfriend is accusing you of the things that she feels guilty about. Perhaps she’s covering up for the fact that she’s the one who is cheating. Perhaps she’s having an affair with another woman, and that’s where the questions about you being bi are coming from, from her projecting her own behavior.
The other possibility is that she’s just having a huge bout of insecurity. It happens to everyone at one time or another, and sometimes it’s nearly impossible to control. You can help clear things up by sitting down with her and asking her what evidence she has found of you being unfaithful or bisexual. If she doesn’t have any, then you need to set some very clear parameters of personal privacy. Good relationships are based on trust, so of course the cell phone investigations need to stop. If you two are really serious about each other, but she still cannot accept your word and your love as the truth, then at least you know what you’re dealing with, and you can take care of the issue now, while you’re still unmarried with no children!