Diary | Miseducated

Category Archives: Diary

970866_592258897239_1141510966_n

I’ve cleaning and organizing our studio because that’s often what I end up doing in times when I’m stuck at home (such as the ridiculous amount of time we’ve been snowed in lately). Our house and all of her cupboards, closets and drawers have slowly been organized and sorted since I’ve moved in but never so much as lately. I can’t get enough of discarding the old, jaded and faded and replenishing with all things good and sometimes new. In this spare time I’ve also found extra moments to spend sorting through packages, boxes and files filled with photos, letters, nostalgia and clippings. Things I had forgotten about and things I had chocked up as gone — casualties in the divorce, move and hard reset of my life.

Wendy & I at Midland Antiques

Wendy & I at Midland Antiques

I’ve realized that in finding these fossils of my past life I’ve also found a part of myself that was neglected to the inner and outer war that has been going on since around age 15. Losing yourself teaches you a lot about the hardships and the long journey you have ahead of you to try to find yourself again. It teaches you about the you you always hoped and planned to be, the yous that you left behind and want to find, the yous that you’d prefer to grow apart from for the extent of your waking hours.

In realizing these things exist you find you have changed, your life has changed and quite possibly you have found the person you know you will be. I believe this happens to each of us a bit with every new year, we reflect. However, in my experience, unless a grand change is made resolutions will be forgotten and old habits will resurface.

I lost myself once and I am still looking for myself. Who I wanted to be as a young girl, the things I wanted to do and see, the life I wanted to live. I’d gotten so closed in, I magnified certain aspects of my goals and forgot about others. For instance, I wanted to get married and have a daughter but I forgot I had wanted the most grand love there ever was. I forgot that I didn’t want to just be content, that I wanted to experience pure love for a beautiful man, to experience a love like we hear about in fairytales only more real and passionate. Someone I didn’t want to change but someone whose love changed my life. I didn’t just want to have a child but I wanted to bring a child into a love-filled family of magical wonder, a magnificent home life and many adventures lined neatly with security and stability. With parents who love one another more than anything else, with siblings that give, teach, take and give some more.

by David Cunningham

by David Cunningham

I saw that I wanted to write. I found many old memoir notes and pages of manga dialogue, articles, fairytales and more. I lost the motivation in trying to do anything other than to fix things that were far too broken and then zoning out completely when they appeared impossibly broken.

I saw that my art was a major focus in my life, other than true love and family, and designing everything I do. I saw my plans for paintings, illustrations and web sketches; designs that never made it off the paper and into illustrator because I lost the ambition and self-esteem needed to go.

Now that I am finding myself in so many ways, I figured there were others that have lost important pieces along their journeys as well. Others that might need a little push to gather those pieces strewn along the ground and trudge on through their own adventure of finding their true, superior self. The self they are, were and wanted to be. What have you lost and found along the way?

Happy New Year.

1525053_604747889199_902871929_n

PinterestTumblrStumbleUponEmailShare

Usagi by Amber Renee

So I’ve been sketching so much more since I began living with the man of my dreams and realizing life can be comforting in transition, fear, sadness, happiness, ecstasy, extreme business, security, and overwhelming tasks lists. Sometimes those sketches are finally turned into illustrations by yours truly and other times they are filed, colored by the kiddies or lost and tossed. This one made it through to the other side. I was feeling very dark when I sketched this but also very excited about the future, thus she is split into two. Even more curious I died my hair half and half following this drawing. The dark vs cute seems to be a constant theme in my brain.

I’ve also updated my SHOP a bit and fallen in love with some old and new friends also using storenvy.

cutelandsm_original

Screen_20Shot_202013-12-12_20at_205.36.38_20PM_original

I’ve also got my digital life getting back on track with the welcome of a new computer to the office, my new lovely laptop (little MacBook Pro) which was a gift from Mistereducated. It is so happy to both work with me and snuggle in my still-in-the-plastic Lamb case that was gifted to me years ago. Such a princess of a laptop. She runs runs runs and keeps my eyes happy with a screen that is so decadent and color rich like a Japanese candy store. AH! I was so behind.

Also many more blog goodies are coming along.. I was forced by slight-OCD to organize my Gmail via Imap in Mac’s Mail app (if you need any help with this I have ultimate tips as I ripped quite a few hairs out in frustration). I had (no joke) a bit over 100,000 mails that needed to be organized into folders so I could have an empty inbox and get on track. I was living like a computer file hoarder. Mister even got me an external hard drive because like a hoarder I put off organizing my files and deleting un-needed files for so long and now every file I’ve ever cherished (except for that time in the 90s when my old PC crashed and lost all my files) is organized and neat on the hard drive. Such a relief! Everything is smooth sailing on candy seas. So alas, I have not forgotten about or misplaced your emails! After my crazy roller coaster ride and life restart I am still getting important items in order but I am now pretty much on top of a cotton candy cloud ready to welcome you for chats, cats and tea. I never forgot about you, I was only lost in the forest for awhile.

Also — I got a pink 3ds for a bit of fun in the meantime and mainly for Animal Crossing because it has always been my favorite game next to Maniac Mansion. If you’d like to be friends just leave your friend code. Mine is: 0662 4261 5265

See you in digital wonderland! XX

Screen_20Shot_202013-12-12_20at_205.34.49_20PM_original

PinterestTumblrStumbleUponEmailShare

daisuki
I’ve been feeling a need to write. It’s been awhile that I have felt compelled to write a personal entry but I miss doing such so here I find myself plucking at the keyboard. I don’t often write personal entries these days because of what I’m still going through and an attempt to keep it under wraps mostly until it is long over. I’m still in the midst of a divorce and custody battle and I feel it’s best to keep it to myself and my family in order to protect myself, my ex and most importantly my daughter. It has been very draining to say the least, to start my life again from scratch after I had given most of myself to another for so many years. However even in the midst of this I have found love, happiness and the beginning of a family I always wanted that came easily and without negativity. Our home is filled with love and once everything is over I can fully start a new and devote myself to my new family, the family I had always wanted for myself and Colette.

So anyway, I am living many of the dreams I never really thought I would acquire. I am a housewife of a beautiful man who is a genius realism artist and gorgeous home in the city where I have everything I need to cook decadent meals and delicious desserts for family and friends. I get to spend my days working on beauty and fashion graphic design from my home office while chatting with my boss who becomes a closer friend everyday. I keep only true friends around and the rare free time I have for having fun I get to spend with amazing and creative women (such as Jamie Sucre) chatting and enjoying the finer things in life like sparkling cider, fairy lights and skittle-flavored shisha. I spend my evenings relaxing by the fire and crocheting with my mister by my side, taking a motorcycle ride through the city for a tasty dinner or playing games with our total of 4 children which include tons of laughter and imagination. I’m so inspired by this life filled with love and whimsical creativity and color that I cannot stop creating and planning for new projects for our family and for our work. I get to do many things it seemed I had no time or energy for in the past because I was so down about things I felt I couldn’t change.

halloween13

For instance this year I crafted my daughter’s costume because I couldn’t find a Chibi Moon costume small enough for her size and we dressed up together and Sailor Moon and Chibi for trick-or-treating! It was her first time to actually go and it was a blast. We traveled through the colorful leaf covered sidewalks to houses with lights and faux spider webs to fill our bags with candy. It was like a dream. Then Colette and I hung our tree very early this year, Nov 1, and decorated it with candy sweet adornments. I hung my stocking, sewed a French-y damask one for mister to complement my Versailles style stocking and promptly bought gorgeous, fluffy fabrics for the children’s stockings and embroidered characters on the front. Theirs are still pinned and waiting to be completed but they are oh so excited!

holiday

Winter is my favorite time for yarn crafts as well, don’t you feel the same? I’ve currently got a crochet project going on for Jamie and a knitting project using a magic yarn ball someone made me last year. I was so excited about this yarn ball I saved it until I got settled in my new home so I could look forward to knitting my mother a scarf this winter. It’s not my style of colors and happens to be her favorites: muted forest greens and soft blues and purples all woven together in wool. I’m so taken by this yarn ball surprise I’m crafting one for a penpal friend online and we’re swapping soon so I will be sure to do a feature on that for you to participate in the fun! I feel there was a period in my past I was almost so excited because I spent most of my time crafting things for friends and family while my baby cooed in the background. It’s so fun now that she’s 3 and can actually help me or give me advice on things she likes most. She will always be my little cherub, the center of my heart. She is too perfect and I cannot wait to spend my whole life with her and my soul mate crafting a better life of love, color, whimsy and true, internal happiness which I once thought unreal. I hope you are also feeling reminiscent and content at the end of this year seeing what resolutions you will make and what things you are most grateful for.

hairdye

Also for some random updates I finally got my hair done for the holidays as I had planned, scary change but I felt it was time for a big change to match the way my life has changed. I’ve also become really into American Horror Story on FX — I watched seasons 1 & 2 around Halloween and now I’m caught up with season 3. I had stopped watching horror entertainment for my whole previous marriage because my life felt so chaotic without it. Now that my life is secure and stable for the most part, filled with love and calmness, I have gotten back into horror for fun. What are you into this year? XX

ahs

PinterestTumblrStumbleUponEmailShare

It’s been awhile since I’ve been able to update and felt free enough to explain a little of what has been going on in my life and all of the changes and struggles I have encountered. I felt very disappointed that my work and my blog fell to the wayside in the midst of this but my life was in dire need of most of my effort, the rest was given to love and support my little girl and my boyfriend (Mister Educated).

Although I can’t be too specific because it’s not appropriate and feels gross to put other’s private lives on a public blog, I can say the basics. My marriage fell apart in June. It had been falling apart for quite a while prior to that but it reached it’s breaking point in June. I’m not hurt about it anymore as I was when it happened, I’m thankful for the experiences I’ve had and most importantly for the beautiful little girl myself and my ex share. If you met her I have no doubt that you would instantly smile from ear to ear. She is the kind of special soul that leaves a positive imprint on everyone she meets and everywhere she goes. She’s always happy and saying something very clever for her age or something completely silly and comical. She reminds me so much of myself when I was little and enjoys playing with miniatures in her doll house with her Sylvania cream cats, love all animals, loves painting and loves to be outside. She can find fun in most situations and is a ball of cuteness and sweetness.

I also started talking to another very special person in mid-August. This is a person I had cherished having met and being a friend of mine. He taught me a lot of valuable skills and ways to see the world and I openly considered him a mentor. I met him in 2003 in college but remained friends with him after graduation via short occasional chats online about our families and work. We decided to hang out after we began talking again in August and the connection we had was still there but things had changed quite a lot. The connection was less of a friendship and inspiration connection and more of a romantic connection. The attraction was almost unbearable and we couldn’t get enough of just hanging out and talking or going to dinner and laughing, everything we did together was a very uplifting experience for both of us at the most painful time in my life. A month went by and things became gradually more serious until in late-September when I moved in because he offered that I needed a safe place to get my new life in order and get back on my feet. Since then we have became not just star-crossed lovers and soul mates united, but a family. We have a gaggle of smart and beautiful children that adore each other and hanging out with us and we are both happier than we have ever been before and so thankful we were united at last.

Our home is a big, old house. Over 100 years old to be exact and my Mister (as I lovingly call him because we will not be publicly open until after everything is resolved sometime next year) spent most of his past free time fixing and remodeling every room, nook and cranny until we got serious and I began helping as well. It feels like such a positive environment as soon as you walk in the door and you feel a lightness that is created from love, effort and a million memories left from a happy family. The floors, stairs and accents are lovely and original hardwood, there are 4-stories including a finished basement and loft studio and our sparkly mint and latte fireplace we just rehabbed and intricately tiled is the heart of the home. There is a large, fenced-in backyard with gardens of all kinds and a play set for the children. The front has gardens, stones and red hedges to welcome passersby. There are two balconies, one amazing one off our bedroom and another unfinished as well as a big front porch. It is a big change going from apartment life to a antique mansion but I’ve adjusted quite nicely and I adore living here. I haven’t felt I had a home since I was a child and I feel through and through that this is my home and my long lost beautiful family, my cute 15-year-old house cat Hobbes included.

I am happy now. I have found my higher power and I don’t take any medications for anxiety or depression anymore, I don’t ever drink even recreationally or socially and I work towards a more healthy self daily. I still have struggles such as doing extremely trying self work and moving on completely and I recently found I have pre-cancer which I have been getting treated but I never thought it was possible for me to have what I have. It has been an IMMENSE amount of work thus far and still is as I am still not where I want to be. I’m rebuilding myself online yet again and offline as well in my new community. I adore the opportunities that continue to pour in and I very much missed blogging and doing designs especially for you. I am home now and I am back. Thanks for hanging in there on this long and bumpy ride. You wont regret it!

Some exciting things coming in the future that were put on hold over a year ago: kid-friendly projects and activities, more reviews, interviews and features, his and hers articles, the world according to us articles, more tasty and easy recipes, positive energy projects, diy and craft projects, kawaii kitty care articles, art features, more products in our new shop (officially open again!), pretty photo shoots and daily life shoots. Stay tuned!

PinterestTumblrStumbleUponEmailShare

I’m not sure if you’ve noticed yet in our increasingly fast-paced society that multi-tasking seems to be an un-sustainable idea. It seems like the obvious thing to do when you have a never-ending list of tasks to complete each day but instead of multi-tasking simply to speed through actions try focusing on one thing at a time and master your current activity. I do admit that I enjoy doing multi-tasking occasionally (I am a young mother afterall) — especially when I’m uninspired to write. Right now I’m attempting to write an article, editing a video, listing to fidget, eating pineapple and chatting with my best friend, Kimi. Not to mention my focus is rather off due to some very vivid and upsetting dreams. Not all of my dreams have been bad in this stressful time but they have all been very vivid, colorful and often lucid which has been a skill and gift I have worked towards mastering for many, many years. Mastering everything that you do throughout your day and night (even when sleeping!) is much more rewarding than just completing as many tasks as you can. It might not seem that way but after trying both for extended periods of time I’m sure you’ll find that you feel much more at ease by doing and focusing on one thing at a time.

After attempting to live mindfully for quite a few months it almost seems as though I’m radiating the light of a thousand rainbows, a symphony of magical mermaid pheromones and rays of positivity. I’m attracting all of the opportunities I stopped chasing when I became very sick and not only that but I’ve found I have much more family and friends than I originally thought that are sweet, giving, honest and true to me. Losing contact with those you were once very close to is many times a sad affair but it’s always fun to reconnect and to catch up. I also got another friend into the musical world of Sound Cloud. What’s funny is I’ve always loved it but hadn’t logged in until he requested use of my quotes as lyrics. I have strong support to those living their dreams by working for what they want and not being afraid to ask. You know what you want to be/do? Be it! Do it! Remember you are the only one that can do it your way, you’re unique and no one else sees the world through your eyes.

One of the first things you will learn if attending therapy is the mindfullness skill (yet another article I started writing at least a year ago, heh) which basically means doing one thing at a time and doing it as well as you can. It reminds me of Buddhism because of the importance of mastering the spectacular as well as the mundane. In other words, if you’re going to do it, do it right. Cut the multi-tasking. Try focusing on the task at hand, put all of your effort into it and do your absolute best. Trust me, you wont be disappointed. You’ll feel great having given your all and also having achieved a goal no matter how small or gargantuan.

Speaking of multi-tasking, if I told you everything I was doing/going through at the present you’d be shocked I’m still kicking. Not only am I immersed in my work but I’ve had to move and change my entire life in relation to both my physical, spiritual and mental health. I’ve had to move, let go of the past and to still be able to allow myself to succeed while feeling an abundance of fear. I’m starting to think that I’m beginning to actually have things figured out in this life. I’ve stopped using everything mood-altering, alcohol, cigarettes, even the prescribed medications that used to help me to get out of bed in the morning and go to sleep at night. I feel more powerful, as though I’m playing an unbeatable hand in poker while sitting on a high pedestal with an attractive clan, drinking French carbonated pink lemonade from a straw and munching on lavender macarons. I sure do occasionally miss the complex flavors of wine and champagne and I do realized that it’s quite tough to let go of them. Still though, they could never compete with my obsession with tea, espresso and black coffee which are much more helpful to my health, work and writing obviously. Have you let go of any unhealthy habits recently? Have you taken on any healthier lifestyle traits? Have you noticed more clarity and stability in your health and life? It surely is an empowering thing to let go of unhealthy addictions. Keep going strong and keep becoming the person you are meant to be and you have my word I’ll continue to do the same.

PinterestTumblrStumbleUponEmailShare

I was just taking a stroll through my drafts folder and would you believe there is still a LA Sanrio Nerd party article I haven’t published as well as at least 35 others? Hello! Time? Motivation? You out there? Can you come hang out for awhile? I miss you.

Anyway things have been absolutely insane around here but that doesn’t meen I haven’t been thinking of you, I’ve actually been thinking of you a lot. Thinking about what I’m going to tell you about going through hell on earth and making it through while staying strong and focused. It’s not impossible and pain is always a struggle but you’re not alone. If you think you are alone, turn around and look through all of the cracks. Do you see yourself? Your friends? Your family? Do you see me? Your cat? A new pet? There’s someone out there waiting to make the pain easier to handle but you might have to open your mind and do a little searching to find them. Are you ready? Let’s go!

Also I wanted to let you guys know that the little love letters you have been sending me have been absolutely the sweetest. I’m glad I made it easier for you to contact me. If you ever need someone to listen, I’m here for you.

Now let’s go on a hypersensitive adventure through insanity because I’m so curious about what pieces of me I have lost while on this trip… Have you left pieces of yourself behind, too? Don’t ever allow anyone to control you until they break you. This is your life and you should experience it the way you prefer. Be yourself because you’re the only person in this whole world who is anything like you and, I’m just saying, you’re pretty amazing.

PinterestTumblrStumbleUponEmailShare

If I told you what has been going on the past few months (April – present) you probably wouldn’t even believe me. Life-shattering events, depression over both my health (and my shoddy management of it) and many things I may never be able to admit. Let’s just say I have a lot of new and interesting material for that novel I’ve been writing off and on for years. Emotional pain is a horrible inspirational tool but it does tend to give artists new ideas and possibly even better work.

It seems whenever a terrible situation happens I revert back to journaling. I like to journal devastating events and situations because I know one day I’ll look back at those entries and see I made it through them. One day I’ll be in a much better place and it will make me feel so accomplished what I actually made it through — something that at one time seemed impossible for me to do or to handle. I also feel it’s important for one to keep a journal just simply so they can get a glimpse at a past self. We’re always changing and learning — sometimes seeing that change by looking back can help you decide where you’re headed next. Or just show you where you’re never headed ever again. Not only that but when you journal you release your emotions in a healthy way. Remember that no one (therapists excluded), no matter how much they love you, will be willing to deal with your constant venting and/or crying. Everyone faces problems in their life and everyone tends to assume their problems are more serious. Your journal, however, is always ready to hear more.

If there is something going on in your life causing unbearable pain and uncertainty do not give up on yourself or on obtaining your goals in life. Instead use it as a time to grow inside and to eventually become stronger and more prepared. Sometimes we need a shove to become the person we knew we could always be. Grieve, cry, get it all out, but do not give up. The more positive thinking you do (it’s ok to fake it — you’ll retrain your brain to think positive things and to leave the negative ones behind) and the more healthy changes you make will get you that much closer to manifesting your desires.

Soon we’re going to have more journal activities in which you will actually learn interesting facts about yourself and find more manageable ways to change and become the person you want to be inside. I look forward to journaling with you again. Keep your head up!

PinterestTumblrStumbleUponEmailShare

Hello everyone! Hope you are all doing well this wonderful weekend. I’m about to go check my mailbox — I’m always smiling large after that! Especially after I started swapping and penpalling again. ;) Wee! Just checked it and have about 4 packages and 5 envelopes — I hope I find some cute ATCs to put in my collection! I love to wait to open my mail until after I’m done with work. I like to take it all in my bedroom, on my bed, and open them one by one often with Ben by my side. He likes to see what I get. I’ve recently gotten him liking hot tea so he’s interested to see if I get any teas in the mail from other countries. If you’d like to swap tea please let me know because I’m always up to trying new ones! We stock tons of tea in our house from all over so you’ll be sure to get a tasty mix in return.

I’ve also joined this Blythe Swap Flickr Group recently and I’m joining up in my first swap this holiday. My partner is new as well so we’ve both been excitedly chatting about it a lot. I’ve already been spoiling her and purchasing REALLY CUTE winter gifts for her dolls. I want to blab all about it but I’m being polite and keeping it a surprise. ;) I’ll be sure to update with photos after we swap.

Remember in the surprise ball post how I offered to swap them with anyone interested? Well I’ve already crafted 7 surprise balls since (including Christmas balls for Ben and Jamie!)! Whahaha! I think I’m finally becoming a pro at tucking those presents in and keeping it ball-shaped. LOL, what a valuable skill!

So since I got asked from a few of you about swapping and what kind of things I send and receive I thought I’d do a post on it. I use my Flickr as a blog sort-of, if you’re interested, I update it almost daily and often add photos of the swaps I send and receive.

matryoshka dotee doll

Recently I was in a Matryoshka Dotee Doll Swap and I sent these but I haven’t received mine yet. I’m really excited because my partner messaged me and said they were really detailed. I love matryoshka dolls. I only have one but she’s sweet, holding a cat that looks like Hobbes. If you don’t know what a dotee doll is welcome to the club. I was completely confused as to what they were so I read up on it before joining and creating a Kawaii Dotee Doll Swap.

childhood toy ATC
digital ATC
deer ATC swap
easy hearts ATC swap
three cat ATCs
deericorn the mad
my collection

I’ve also been in a ton of ATC swaps so I’m posting some that I’ve sent as well as the small collection I’ve built of ATCs and swap cards found/received and kept. ATCs are fun — I draw shaky these days and I love using textured paper so they’re not perfect but they’re fun. They’re getting me to draw and paint a lot again which is great. I’ll do a complete post on making ATCs soon.

PinterestTumblrStumbleUponEmailShare
cupcake flower

candy smoke

take one

Why hello! Here’s some photos of me being a dork and messing around with the hookah. I love lemonade flavored shisha! Yum! It inspires me to set up mini-photoshoots filled with nonsense.

A lot of things are changing… Things at Miseducated and personal things. They’re all exciting changes though, don’t worry. In a few months I’ll have more news for you; right now everything’s really cloudy.

Keep writing/drawing is the best advice I’ve ever recieved. That’s a lot of what I’ve been doing. Working and writing and playing with Colette. She’s so hilarious and she keeps me on my feet. Actually she makes it quite hard to focus on work most of the time. I have to get better at delegating time!

Today we had our first finger painting session. How exciting! Colette figured out right away how to put your finger in the paint and then to put it on the paper. She must have had a lot of fun because it wasn’t very long after this that she decided to take a nap. You would think I’d get a lot of work done while she’s asleep but it always just makes me so bored that I want to take a nap with her. Haha!

Do you have any questions that you don’t feel like asking on formspring? Just email us or reply to this post. I’m always happy to help in any way that I can. We’ve also finally been catching up on emails so if you’ve already sent one you’ll soon be getting a reply!

PinterestTumblrStumbleUponEmailShare

Recently I had the chance to try some of Siren’s new styles and I was instantly hooked yet again. Their bedazzled clothing lights up the whimsical part of my brain like no other. As soon as I toss a garment over my head, in this case it’s their Belle Black Indie Dress, I feel ready to frolic in the forest and to pick the wildflowers that brush the delicate hem.

When I get my shit together I promise I’ll be adding a lot more photos of their goodies.

In other news I finally decided to get the hookah pipe down off of the mantel and put it to good use again. I’ve been smoking a lot of shisha lately and have spotted a cute brand for you to try if you’re interested (but I’ve heard the best brand is Starbuzz). These come in cute tins and an array of flavors. My favorite tin is the papillon flavor which I must admit I have to try. I’ll let you know how it tastes!

PinterestTumblrStumbleUponEmailShare