Obsessively Compulsively: Navigating OCD

ocd

So how do I begin my story? My life has taken me many crazy places, but none as wild as when I worked on an acute psychiatric ward for children. I moved out of state and was pressed to find a job with my only experience and education being in the field of psychology.

I’ll be honest, I saw a lot of disturbing things on that unit, but the day that changed me was when a 12 year old girl was admitted. She had herpes all over her mouth. As soon as I found out what it was, I couldn’t feel clean enough. I’ve never been a type-A, hand-washing, anal-retentive person, but that is quickly what I became. Seemingly overnight. Upon coming home from work I was in horror to discover I still continued to feel unclean, even after I had showered, washed my hands about a billion times and sanitized everything that I had had with me at work.

From there it got much, much worse… washing my hands once at a time wasn’t enough. Twice wasn’t even enough. Then I started having obsessive thoughts. What if I had accidentally touched the phone at work to my face? What if I hadn’t washed my hands enough and had touched something I ate? It got to the point where I wouldn’t even kiss my boyfriend, avoided situations that previously seemed normal and so on. The obsessive questions were never ending. They even haunted me in my sleep.

Later I had a tragic death in my family and I started obsessing over other things in my life. Had I done something wrong? Was I going to hell? Was I going to jail? Was I going to hurt my family beyond repair? These thoughts were so constant and pervasive that I sometimes hoped that I wouldn’t wake up. I wished that somehow the pain and constant anxiety could end without hurting my family and loved ones. I did this for three years and it was the most painful three years of my life.

I’m only pouring out my heart anonymously because I wouldn’t wish what I went through on my worst enemy. OCD on its own is hard enough, but it also brings extra disorders to the front such as anxiety and depression. One happy day I decided that I could not live like this anymore. I sucked up my pride and went to my childhood doctor and told him that I had OCD. He didn’t judge me. He told me that stress can trigger reactions in the brain that lead to these kinds of thought patterns. He didn’t even treat me like I was sick. He put me on Prozac and probably saved my life. Since I have taken the medication, I have transformed back into my old self that I and loved ones know and love. I didn’t realize how much I missed being me until I started to get better. I started to think about normal things instead of morbid obsessions. I started to smile again… a real smile that meant something, not that sad inside, outwardly fake one that I had become so good at. I started realizing that my life was promising and happy, not scary and terrible.

I know that medication is not the answer for everyone, but if you read this and have ever wondered what is wrong with you or why you have so much anxiety then maybe it is an avenue to explore paired with talking openly to a professional. I would never push medication on anyone, but when I see myself now as opposed to two years ago, I know that I made the best decision of my life. I had something inbalanced in my brain, and medicine was able to fix it. Best wishes and love if you find yourself on this haunting journey, I hope my honesty can help you. I decided to publish this anonymous article in hopes that it could save someone some pain in feeling like they’re crazy and to be open with a professional and get help so they can live a hopeful life.

I’ve Since Been Crowned by Flowers and Love

It’s been awhile since I’ve been able to update and felt free enough to explain a little of what has been going on in my life and all of the changes and struggles I have encountered. I felt very disappointed that my work and my blog fell to the wayside in the midst of this but my life was in dire need of most of my effort, the rest was given to love and support my little girl and my boyfriend (Mister Educated).

Although I can’t be too specific because it’s not appropriate and feels gross to put other’s private lives on a public blog, I can say the basics. My marriage fell apart in June. It had been falling apart for quite a while prior to that but it reached it’s breaking point in June. I’m not hurt about it anymore as I was when it happened, I’m thankful for the experiences I’ve had and most importantly for the beautiful little girl myself and my ex share. If you met her I have no doubt that you would instantly smile from ear to ear. She is the kind of special soul that leaves a positive imprint on everyone she meets and everywhere she goes. She’s always happy and saying something very clever for her age or something completely silly and comical. She reminds me so much of myself when I was little and enjoys playing with miniatures in her doll house with her Sylvania cream cats, love all animals, loves painting and loves to be outside. She can find fun in most situations and is a ball of cuteness and sweetness.

I also started talking to another very special person in mid-August. This is a person I had cherished having met and being a friend of mine. He taught me a lot of valuable skills and ways to see the world and I openly considered him a mentor. I met him in 2003 in college but remained friends with him after graduation via short occasional chats online about our families and work. We decided to hang out after we began talking again in August and the connection we had was still there but things had changed quite a lot. The connection was less of a friendship and inspiration connection and more of a romantic connection. The attraction was almost unbearable and we couldn’t get enough of just hanging out and talking or going to dinner and laughing, everything we did together was a very uplifting experience for both of us at the most painful time in my life. A month went by and things became gradually more serious until in late-September when I moved in because he offered that I needed a safe place to get my new life in order and get back on my feet. Since then we have became not just star-crossed lovers and soul mates united, but a family. We have a gaggle of smart and beautiful children that adore each other and hanging out with us and we are both happier than we have ever been before and so thankful we were united at last.

Our home is a big, old house. Over 100 years old to be exact and my Mister (as I lovingly call him because we will not be publicly open until after everything is resolved sometime next year) spent most of his past free time fixing and remodeling every room, nook and cranny until we got serious and I began helping as well. It feels like such a positive environment as soon as you walk in the door and you feel a lightness that is created from love, effort and a million memories left from a happy family. The floors, stairs and accents are lovely and original hardwood, there are 4-stories including a finished basement and loft studio and our sparkly mint and latte fireplace we just rehabbed and intricately tiled is the heart of the home. There is a large, fenced-in backyard with gardens of all kinds and a play set for the children. The front has gardens, stones and red hedges to welcome passersby. There are two balconies, one amazing one off our bedroom and another unfinished as well as a big front porch. It is a big change going from apartment life to a antique mansion but I’ve adjusted quite nicely and I adore living here. I haven’t felt I had a home since I was a child and I feel through and through that this is my home and my long lost beautiful family, my cute 15-year-old house cat Hobbes included.

I am happy now. I have found my higher power and I don’t take any medications for anxiety or depression anymore, I don’t ever drink even recreationally or socially and I work towards a more healthy self daily. I still have struggles such as doing extremely trying self work and moving on completely and I recently found I have pre-cancer which I have been getting treated but I never thought it was possible for me to have what I have. It has been an IMMENSE amount of work thus far and still is as I am still not where I want to be. I’m rebuilding myself online yet again and offline as well in my new community. I adore the opportunities that continue to pour in and I very much missed blogging and doing designs especially for you. I am home now and I am back. Thanks for hanging in there on this long and bumpy ride. You wont regret it!

Some exciting things coming in the future that were put on hold over a year ago: kid-friendly projects and activities, more reviews, interviews and features, his and hers articles, the world according to us articles, more tasty and easy recipes, positive energy projects, diy and craft projects, kawaii kitty care articles, art features, more products in our new shop (officially open again!), pretty photo shoots and daily life shoots. Stay tuned!

Are You Ready for This?

I was just taking a stroll through my drafts folder and would you believe there is still a LA Sanrio Nerd party article I haven’t published as well as at least 35 others? Hello! Time? Motivation? You out there? Can you come hang out for awhile? I miss you.

Anyway things have been absolutely insane around here but that doesn’t meen I haven’t been thinking of you, I’ve actually been thinking of you a lot. Thinking about what I’m going to tell you about going through hell on earth and making it through while staying strong and focused. It’s not impossible and pain is always a struggle but you’re not alone. If you think you are alone, turn around and look through all of the cracks. Do you see yourself? Your friends? Your family? Do you see me? Your cat? A new pet? There’s someone out there waiting to make the pain easier to handle but you might have to open your mind and do a little searching to find them. Are you ready? Let’s go!

Also I wanted to let you guys know that the little love letters you have been sending me have been absolutely the sweetest. I’m glad I made it easier for you to contact me. If you ever need someone to listen, I’m here for you.

Now let’s go on a hypersensitive adventure through insanity because I’m so curious about what pieces of me I have lost while on this trip… Have you left pieces of yourself behind, too? Don’t ever allow anyone to control you until they break you. This is your life and you should experience it the way you prefer. Be yourself because you’re the only person in this whole world who is anything like you and, I’m just saying, you’re pretty amazing.

Your Journal is Your Friend

If I told you what has been going on the past few months (April – present) you probably wouldn’t even believe me. Life-shattering events, depression over both my health (and my shoddy management of it) and many things I may never be able to admit. Let’s just say I have a lot of new and interesting material for that novel I’ve been writing off and on for years. Emotional pain is a horrible inspirational tool but it does tend to give artists new ideas and possibly even better work.

It seems whenever a terrible situation happens I revert back to journaling. I like to journal devastating events and situations because I know one day I’ll look back at those entries and see I made it through them. One day I’ll be in a much better place and it will make me feel so accomplished what I actually made it through — something that at one time seemed impossible for me to do or to handle. I also feel it’s important for one to keep a journal just simply so they can get a glimpse at a past self. We’re always changing and learning — sometimes seeing that change by looking back can help you decide where you’re headed next. Or just show you where you’re never headed ever again. Not only that but when you journal you release your emotions in a healthy way. Remember that no one (therapists excluded), no matter how much they love you, will be willing to deal with your constant venting and/or crying. Everyone faces problems in their life and everyone tends to assume their problems are more serious. Your journal, however, is always ready to hear more.

If there is something going on in your life causing unbearable pain and uncertainty do not give up on yourself or on obtaining your goals in life. Instead use it as a time to grow inside and to eventually become stronger and more prepared. Sometimes we need a shove to become the person we knew we could always be. Grieve, cry, get it all out, but do not give up. The more positive thinking you do (it’s ok to fake it — you’ll retrain your brain to think positive things and to leave the negative ones behind) and the more healthy changes you make will get you that much closer to manifesting your desires.

Soon we’re going to have more journal activities in which you will actually learn interesting facts about yourself and find more manageable ways to change and become the person you want to be inside. I look forward to journaling with you again. Keep your head up!

We Each Have Our Flaws

Kiss the walls.
She got so banged up in the move..

I’m currently in the process of obsessing about my window garden. I’m going to make window boxes to line my balcony and I’ve got the strawberries already growing in my AeroGarden.

I’m also working like crazy on the next Tokyolux line which I already want in my closet.

Colette is squealing in the background, this actually inspires me more than anything else.

Outside I can hear the geese squawking.. we live on the water now. This is a completely new thing for me and I like it. I’ve settled down quite well in this place with the huge, arched windows and sidewalk right to my best friend’s house. How could I not?

Yet still I cannot seem to shake that horrible feeling that permeates my entire body.

… and it’s tough. It’s tough getting help. Tough relinquishing this hold you have on your past. Tough getting through all of the small talk so you can get to the good stuff. I’m getting there and I can feel it.. but because of everything I have blocked out is holding me back. Someday I will have to accept the past and move on.

I just love being embarrassingly honest with you because I know in some ways it pays off. I would rather help you by sharing my own story; together we can conquer anything.

Ultimate To-Do List for Living a Positive Life

“Yeah, It’s been a ride…
I guess I had to go to that place to get to this one
Now some of you might still be in that place
If you’re trying to get out, just follow me
I’ll get you there…”

Eminem
Not Afraid

Next month it will be Positively Present’s two-year anniversary and thinking about that has made me pause and reflect on how things used to be and how they are now. Before I started the site, I was in a particularly low place in my life. I didn’t think I would ever come out of it, and most of the time I didn’t even care. But, for whatever reason, two years ago something inside me demanded a change and I started working on living a more positive and present life. I knew I needed to be living my life differently and, in order to do that, I knew a lot of things about the life I was living would have to change.

It has not been easy — at ALL. Since I started this site, I’ve made a lot — and I do mean a lot — of changes in my life in an attempt to make every day more positive and to live more in the present. If someone had told me two years ago that I would be living the life I currently am, I never would have believed her. So much has changed but, oddly enough, all of these changes have brought to a place where I am more of who I am. It has taken me awhile to get out of the place where I was so unhappy, but I’ve made a lot of strides in the right direction and every day I’m making process.

If, as Eminem’s quote implies, you find yourself in a place where you’re not living a positive life, where you’re unhappy and wanting to get out of where you are and into another place, take a look at the To Do list I’ve created below for living a positive life. These are the things that I’ve done to get to me to where I am now. Some days I’m still struggling, still seeking something, but when I reflect on how far I’ve come, I can’t help but give credit to all of the changes that have made my life so much better. If you add these items to your daily To Do list, I can guarantee that you’ll find your way out of a negative place and into a positive one.

Top 10 To-Do’s for a Positive Life

1. Stop doing the things that make you unhappy. This is number one on the list for a reason. Too often we spend time and energy doing things that make us unhappy and too often we don’t make the connection between what causes our unhappiness. Look at your life carefully. Are you doing anything that makes you unhappy? When you find yourself at your lowest points, is there anything you can pinpoint that has caused the low point to occur? Often there are patterns that we just don’t admit to. Take an extra close look at any alcohol or drug use because these are too often the cause of serious unhappiness and negativity.

2. Surround yourself with people who bring you up — not down. Just like you must look at the actions your taking and choose not to do things that cause you unhappiness, you must also choose not to be around people that cause you to be unhappy. Sadly, too many people surround themselves with individuals that don’t bring them up. If you find that people in your life are bringing you down — yes, even family members or significant others — you have to find a way to separate yourself from them. If you want to live a truly positive life, you must be surrounded by positive influences.

3. Invest some serious time in self-love and soul searching. If you want to live a positive life, you must know what it is that you stand for and what matters to you. The only way to go about learning to love yourself is to invest time in it. It might sound silly to some, but finding true love for yourself and really knowing whom you are is essential for living your most positive life. Before you can love anyone or anything else fully, you must first love yourself. Don’t ever think about self-love or soul searching as a waste of time because, honestly, it is such a valuable asset to living life positively.

4. Spend your time doing the things you love to do. Once you’ve rid your life of doing things that make you unhappy, you’ll suddenly have a lot more free time on your hands. What to do with that all that free time? Spend it doing things you absolutely love to do. Take a moment to think about the times you are the happiness. What are you doing during those times? It doesn’t matter if it’s a silly thing or something that other people don’t quite get. What matters is this: if something makes you genuinely happy, you should spend time doing it.

5. Revise the way you look at the world around you. When going from a negative outlook to a positive one, I really had to spend time thinking about the way I was looking at things. The way you see the world around you is a choice. You can choose to look for the good or you can choose not to. It’s completely and entirely up to you. Once I realized this, I understood that it didn’t make much sense to focus on the bad things in life. Sure, I had to acknowledge them, but I certainly didn’t need to dwell on them. Change your point of view and your whole life will change too.

6. Be open-minded to new (or old!) ideas of living a positive life. I used to be the kind of girl who would scoff at an article like this, thinking these kinds of ideas were pretty much bullshit. However, the more I started opening my mind to new ideas, the more I started realizing that there are a lot of awesome people out there in the world living positive lives and, really, why shouldn’t I listen to them? If someone has been successful with an idea for living a positive life, it’s at least worth considering. Every idea might not work for you, but having an open mind really helps lead to a positive life.

7. Stop beating yourself up about the past. For too long, I spent way too much time thinking about, revisiting, and quite literally going backward into the past. It was pointless and painful, but for years I did it and caused myself (and others) a great deal of unhappiness. Hard as it is to admit sometimes, the past is over. Going back to it or fretting about it or beating yourself up over it does absolutely nothing. Yes, you can look at your past and learn from it, but you do not need to continue to blame yourself for it or revisit it constantly in your mind. What’s done is done. The sooner you learn from it and move on, the better.

8. Don’t seek happiness outside of yourself in things or people. One of the things I always used to do was seek happiness outside of myself. If I was feeling unhappy or drowning myself in negativity, I would look outside myself for a solution. But, ultimately, no matter what I turned to, the negativity within me remained. It might be tempting to rely on other people for your happiness or turn to habits like shopping, eating, or drinking to quell your negative state of mind, but, believe me, those outside things never do the trick. You must seek happiness and positivity within yourself. It really is the only way to truly live a positive life.

9. Believe you have the ability to change your own life. This can be a hard one for many people. Over and over again they think or say the worst two words I used to be so familiar with and now dread: “I can’t…” The second you let yourself think that way about changing your life, you’re setting yourself up for failure. If you don’t believe you can change your life, then it’s going to be pretty hard to actually do it. Believing in yourself sounds so cliché, but there’s a reason that concept has stuck around for so long. Without it, you’ll paralyze yourself and living a positive life will be pretty darn impossible.

10. Refuse to give up, no matter what happens or what people say. A lot of people look down on those trying to better their lives. Perhaps it is jealousy or fear or just plain ignorance, but for whatever reason, people may judge you. When you strive to change your life — even if you do only one thing on this list — there may be people that criticize you or attempt to stand in your way. Don’t let them. Don’t let anyone or anything come between you and living the life you want to be living. Remember that, no matter what, this is YOUR life. If you want to live it positively, do it and don’t let anyone or anything stand in your way.

As much as I’d advise you to do every one of the things on this To Do list, I know from experience how hard even one of these things can be. It takes a lot of hard to work to live a positive life, especially if you’re struggling with negativity. But know this: even if you do one thing on this list, your life will improve. And you owe it to yourself to at least give it a try. If you want to live a positive life, do it. There may be obstacles and it may be hard to get from that negative place to a positive one, but, believe me, all of the work will be worth every ounce of effort you put into it because nothing is better than loving the life you’re living.

Do You Have the Winter Blues?

Pink, yellow and green oh my!

Please excuse Miseducated for being a little wonky lately.. I’ve been making changes that I feel are best for our growth (no more ugly ads!).
I’m only allowing your ads from now on.
I’m really overly anal about how things look around here, you might not pick that up at first from the rainbow headache you endure upon visiting but it’s true!

We talk about motivation a lot. What KEEPS you motivated? I continually go back to the same old thing, exercise and coffee. It never fails that when I put exercising off I begin to feel lethargic and unmotivated. Exercising produces endorphins which are especially important to those of us with depression and seasonal affective disorder! Let’s also not forget about those of us who are just tired. The winter makes us want to be more dormant, we’re stuck inside (we keep getting snowed in here!) and cozy. It’s cold outside. However if we could just push ourselves to reach a small goal we set for ourselves each day? And slowly raise it?

I haven’t been exercising since I had Colette so I’ve been forcing myself to start. It’s really invigorating… on top of all of the damn coffee and tea I drink everyday.

Late Night Musings: Who Are You Changing For?

People don’t tend to realize this, but loneliness…It’s underrated. Severely so. We, as people, don’t like to be alone. Just the term itself can make some of us feel instantly depressed, just a little at the least.
But, the way I see it…The only reason anyone would dislike being alone is because they don’t like who they’re alone with.
Because then, there’s nothing to distract you from your own thoughts.
Your own fears.
Your own guilt.
Your secrets.
Your uncertainty.
And all the things that keep you up at night.
We truly are our own worst enemies.

Lately- and I suppose I use the term loosely- it’s felt like the whole world was falling apart, that hardly anything adds up to something steady and I… Well I’ve never really had a clue what to do. So I overcompensate with silly things. Acting obnoxious at any given social gathering, making bad jokes, diving into work projects (such as theater) -some of which I hadn’t shown any interest in before (such as mock trial)- and most of these remunerations involve being around other people.

Concisely, I really like myself alone. I wouldn’t say it’s exactly a trait i have that is reverse of most people, because I still have to sit and solve all the same troubles I mentioned above, but not feeling the need to make restitution outweighs said anxieties by far.

I’ve noticed that all of my written works reflect an entirely different person then the ashli jade that most people are accustomed to and I guess that’s the most concrete proof of this concept.

Maybe that’s the case with a lot of people.

The question is: Why are we afraid to be our ‘alone’ self in a social gathering? What are we hiding behind, and more importantly… why?

The Night My Anxiety Consumed Me

MLPYou can't make everyone happy.

One of my new year resolutions (and I’m starting now) is to be more open and raw.
I, much like yourself, want to achieve psychological happiness and in doing that I am starting another new year resolution.
I am finally going to the psychiatrist to deal with all the things I have never dealt with.
I want to make sure I’m much more sane before Colette is a toddler and knows what’s going on!
I have anxiety and depression but I’ve been ordered to the psychiatrist for the zillionth time to get diagnosed and treated..
.. and I’m finally doing it.

Kitty Car

My dreams have come true. I have made it to cute central, USA to meet so
many of my long-time internet acquaintances kept and lost through the years.

I was feeling fine all day.. chugging coffee to stay awake, made it through airport security with no nonsense (for the first time!).
Now I’m finally ready, finally here waiting outside with a bunch of excited and adorable girls.

I can hardly breathe.
Wait! I’m missing Colette.
Why did I come here?

I can feel it.. my anxiety taking over.
I need a drink.
I need to just start talking to someone and forget about it.

I do not realize that I have actually forgotten to take my Prozac all day.

I converse with the sweet and talented people I am lucky enough to be graced with (I was with Stephie and was so happy to see the sweetest of the sweet Audrey, Miss Kika, Cicely, a long-time web friend, Twinkiechan, and sweet as ever Maria of Locketship) and my anxiety begins to consume me.

I cannot be side-tracked.

It does not occur to me why this is all happening because sometimes I have panic attacks.

After beginning to get sick and unable to get my shit together I have to excuse myself.
I have to take a cab back to LA.
I can’t stay another minute.

I arrive at a friend’s apartment, I change out of my outfit, I leave.
Kimi is picking me up and she’s here.. somewhere.
I walk outside and she can’t find me. The street is split.

I go back inside to look at the directions and try to explain.
She can’t find me.
Why wont my brain work?
I keep having panic attacks and I finally tell her I’ll just leave and walk
until I see a busy street.
So off I go, suitcase and suitcase-sized purse in tow.

I need to leave the key in case I get lost..
I don’t know this area and there are no street lights.
I drop it in an orange cone as I leave after making sure no one was around.

I walk all over and around, not familiar with the area.
More darkness. More houses.
My phone is dead and I cannot even reach Kimi anymore.

I walk back to the apartment and try to get the key because I’m starting to
get really upset and worried.
I cannot reach it. Under the cone was a metal pipe and the key has fallen down it.
You have got to be kidding me.
I make the worst decisions in this state of mind.

I start crying and getting sick.
Why can’t I keep it together?
How am I going to get ahold of Kimi?

I see a man on the sidewalk.
His eyes are shrouded by a large, black top hat that sits on top of his long, black hair.
“Did you call for a cab?” , I ask pleadingly.
He looks me up and down and tells me that I do not belong here.
With my suitcase and large purse I stick out like a sore thumbnail.
I beg the cab driver to let me ride with them to their destination and then take me to mine.
He says no.
I can see in his eyes that he’s not prepared to deal with a crazy girl and her suitcases.

I stand back, understanding and proceed to go back up the sidewalk.
He tells me to wait.. get in.

On the way to the mad hatter’s destination he tells me all about why I
should go with him to Rainbow Bar & Grill.
How it’s probably the safest place for me with a suitcase because a lady just got shot in front of it recently.
There will probably be lots of lights and news crews there.
I politely decline.
I’m already on the verge of having some kind of breakdown.

On the way to Rainbowland my phone finally turns on.
I have just enough battery to try to make a call.
I get through and Kimi tells me where to meet her.
Home Depot on Sunset Blvd.

Taxi driver takes me through all of the lights again on a trip that I am not mentally present for.
The lights blur beside me and I wonder if this is all going to end.

Finally we arrive at Home Depot and she’s no where to be seen.
There are sketchy characters running around in the sheds on display.
I ask if I can wait here and the cab driver tells me it isn’t safe.
Another panic attack comes on and I start crying.
She’s not here.. my phone is dead.. where is she?

I ask if he can take me to a gas station..
When we arrive I tear apart my suitcase in the back of his car.
Glitter and tulle fly everywhere.
Tarina Tarantino bags of jewels litter the floor.
I don’t even care. I’m not able to remain in tact. I cannot find my phone charger.
Surely I didn’t leave it in her apartment?
Did it fall out of my suitcase?
Polkadot heels fly out the window.

I tear everything I have apart.
I pour my purse out into the seat.
I do not even wince as my dead grandmother’s necklace falls to the ground.

I begin to give up.
I begin to get very overwhelmed and unable to focus.

I start to pack everything up and there, stuck in a mass of stockings, it is.
My phone charger.

I leave everything I have and run inside to ask if I can charge my phone.
After what seems like endless hours of trying to turn it back on with no avail it gets enough power to work.
I call Kimi.
She’s finally found the apartment.

I tell her to come back, to come to the Shell on Sunset Blvd.
She’s on her way.

I pack up my suitcase, pay the man the miniscule fee he asks for and thank him.
We’ve developed a bond by now and he asks me to take his number.
He’ll be around until 2am in case I don’t find my friend.
There are always more amazing people to be found.

I sit my suitcase near the counter, plop on it and wait.
I buy a water.
I suddenly realize I forgot to take my anxiety medication.
So that’s all it was.. it happens to all of us, right?
We can’t be embarrassed or ashamed.
We have to move on.. if anyone doesn’t like you for who you are then they don’t really like you.
If they cannot stand you at your worst then they do not deserve you at your best.

Kimi arrives and we talk about music, raves and cats the whole way home.
She plays electro and we ride into through the lights of LA on a feeling of peace and an unexplainable feeling of belonging.

You Can’t Make Everyone Happy

So don’t even try.
Trying to will only affect you in a negative way.

You Spin Me

This is for all of you out there that get hung up on anxiety like I sometimes do. You just have to take a breath and move on, you have to keep doing what you know you should be doing.

No matter what you do and how amazing it may be, not everyone will like it. There will always be someone who doesn’t like what you do. You can’t make everyone happy. No matter how sweet, out-going and approachable you are, some people are not going to get along with you.

So forget about them. Don’t sweat it. If you try to make everyone happy you’re going to find out down the road eventually that you cannot and that you could instead of been making yourself and those who mean a lot to you happy.

So if you are doing something you love, keep doing it. Passion pays off. If I would have stopped what I was doing at the first NO I got I wouldn’t be living the life I love now. I wouldn’t be doing the things I love to do on and offline, living where I want to live, with whom I want to live with.

“You have to forget about what other people say, when you’re supposed to die, or when you’re supposed to be loving. You have to forget about all these things. You have to go on and be crazy. Craziness is like heaven.”
~ Jimi Hendrix