You’re Using Self-Help Gurus and Happiness on Social Media to Hurt Yourself

I’ve been through a lot in my life and have experienced a lot of pain. I got so low when I hit rock bottom that I knew it was the end of my life if I didn’t get help. I had to do a lot of work to heal myself and make a new life. I have never again felt as low as I did then. Not even close. I have an amazing life. I’m grateful. I’m truly happy and excited for each day.

But.

I’d be lying if I didn’t say I still get sad. Everyone still gets sad. This movement going on in print and on social media is dangerous.

What movement, you ask?

You’ll notice online there is no shortage of self-help books and blogs. Positive, motivational, and personal self-help, social media accounts, even. The quotes, the promises.

You also may notice in your own social media feed that your friends are also posting the great times, the special moments. However is it still acceptable to be honest about being sad? About feeling vulnerable? About heart break or failures?

I can’t tell you how many readers have contacted me about how I gave them hope with some of my brutally honest, personal articles. Hope that things can totally change. That they can be happy. That’s AMAZING! I’m so grateful for that every day.

I do wonder though, when they get sad or have a hard day do they feel like a failure? When their house is not as perfect as a picture do they feel like giving up? When their vacations and events aren’t Pinterest-worthy do they feel less-than? How about if they spend the day arguing with their partner because they wake up feeling “not good enough” and sad?

I have also been contacted about similar sad situations by readers. About people that eat this motivational stuff up just knowing that one day they will be enlightened like that woman but keep on feeling discouraged because they aren’t. They have hope that their wildest dreams will all be manifested and they will never have an emotional day. They will not have bad days.

The problem I have with some life coaches is that they sell their life, disguised as a coaching product. Perhaps a result of the growing popularity of the lifestyle design industry, these life coaches spend more time trying to live and sell a lifestyle that suits them, rather than investing in the service they are allegedly providing to others. – Medium

Do you know that woman‘s personal life? She does have bad days. She wakes up feeling bad about herself. She recognizes her own failures. She posts another quote and completes a recommended self care regimen and feels better but she still makes mistakes. She still feels blue sometimes.

I know some of the top female gurus and I’ll let you in on a secret:
The positivity and perfection are an illusion and I know that you’ve used it to make yourself feel worse.

That woman does not exist. You are looking through a rose colored lens because you cannot see her behind closed doors. You don’t see her personal life.

Am I saying she is a fraud? No, she’s probably a good motivational speaker and writes inspiring, best-selling books. However, she also has bad days that you don’t see. You can’t use the illusion of perfection to make yourself feel less-than.

You do exist. And you are amazingly and perfectly imperfect. You will have bad days. You will wake up feeling less than. You’re not. We all feel that way sometimes and it’s ok.

Pst, Here’s More Proof

Sunday, Monday and Miniature Tomatoes

First I want to say that I love you. I don’t think it’s too soon in our relationship for me to be professing my undying love to you, no. I say I’m having a bad day and, because of your sweetness, I immediately receive lots of genuinely caring responses that instantly cheered me up. I hate writing both personal and negative things, it’s always hard for me to do. It was very reassuring to hear that you also have those days.

Speaking of OFF days.. I started my online day off with a FOLLOW MONDAY on twitter only to realize, after a friendly reminder from my partner in crime, that it’s SUNDAY. What a dork I am. I’m so ready for the new week to be here that I completely forgot about how wonderful lazy Sunday is.

I also wanted to write another little nonsense post filled with nothing but blab for you to sink your teeth into. Isn’t that your favorite thing? My blabbing? No? Well bear with me.

Have you ever wore pettipants before? I bought some adorable lilac ones from eBay. I’m obsessed. Now I have 3 pairs. I know it looks like I’m wearing bloomers with my teeshirts but I don’t care (they’re longer than my shorts!). Colette needs some, too.

Have you tried The Sims Social yet? My friends and I are just a little addicted.. I lost my Sims 3 CD recently and have been sad ever since so this is just what I needed to waste time on.

As you know I’m very obsessed with my new balcony. This summer I started a garden out there and finally grew some pleasantly plump cherry tomatoes. The first ripe tomato was the perfect size, for my imaginary miniature grilled cheese, so I just had to cut some slices.


On the subject of miniature food, have you seen this book? I bought it years ago, before I had Colette, and now I cannot wait until she’s old enough to make the tiny treats inside. It has everything from miniature burgers to miniature petit fours.

Because I’m such a foodie, I’ll end this entry on more food.. I was lucky enough to have crab nachos today for lunch and I’m still craving them. Isn’t it the perfect time for seafood? My car agrees! It now smells just like old, soggy crab meat! On the way home from dinner we took a short stop and into the floor flew the box of crab and mussels. Mussels in my floor board. I don’t know if I’m more upset about the smell they left behind or about them not ending up in my stomach.

I hope you’ve had an excellent weekend as well. I’m as excited to hear about your adventures as you are for me to shut up about my tomatoes!

Le Game: Pet Society For Cute Friends

Hob Give me something cute to do and I’m usually pleased, however lately it’s been quite a bit tougher to please myself with anything (winter blues?)! I’ve never found myself to be much of a Facebook user, my social network of choice is Flickr, however Playfish has released an adorably addictive game for me and my friends to get lost in and forget about our worries for a moment or two! Pet Society. This is a Facebook application like no other, it’s an entire world embedded into the site — don’t roll your eyes assuming you’re finding another useless gift application, that’s just not what it is at all!

What is it?

It’s almost like a mixture of all of the best silly, animal games we all love and adore! Postpet, Animal Crossing, even a bit like a Tamagotchi or virtual pet. You get a pet (your design) and although there seems to be a simple selection of designs, I find everyone who plays is creative and all the pets I see look totally unique!

Hob’s Home

924 Rainbow Road
Pet Society

Hob's House!

Disco’s Home

223 Disco Kitten Lane
Pet Society

Disco's House!

Disco The fun doesn’t stop there! Once you design your virtual pet you can save up gold and decorate your home however you like. Live your pack rat life through this and save your home shelves some space. It seems everyone is collecting something and decorating their house to be the best you can visit. Feeling lonely? Leave a friend a gift or a message and they’re likely to respond. You can even go to the cafe if you have no friends and find some new pets to visit. If you happen to visit, give them a hug, have a dance or write a note for them to see. Passing along happiness is as easy as 1-2-3!

Ready to play?

Need some guidance? Don’t forget to check out the Pet Society website and FAQ. If you’re interested in finding friends and trading your collectibles, visit the official forum.

So it’s nice to know Miseducated lifestyles can be virtually lived as well, no? Hope to see you there!

Playfish’s Restaurant City or Bust

For yet another cute, simple and addicting game to make those hours behind a computer screen a bit more fun look at Restaurant City. Whether you’re heavily involved or not, your restaurant can run while you’re away and continues to make money. If you’re trying to level, make sure you keep your window open so your gourmet points will save.

Keeping with playfish tradition, the game is very interactive with friends. You may hire them as employees, visit their shops and leave messages or send gifts. It pushes being neighborly and trading ingredients to level your recipes up.

It’s quite expensive to buy furniture and to remodel your restaurant so keeping employees happy is key!

restaurant city

restaurant city

Conversation Sparklers

What’s your restaurants name?
Does your character resemble you or did you create an alter-ego?
What design or theme are you planning for?
Which recipe ingredients are you collecting?

With every new friend you get a new ingredient to cook with, feel free to add me for a new Restaurant City neighbor!