I’m Dreaming of You

My husband is so cute when he’s sleeping.
He talks in his sleep, you see.
Tonight I asked him why he was moving and he said “I’m just waiting on you to come get me. I miss you.”
In the past (he hates coffee -even the smell- and I love it) he told me he wants to know how much the coffee is so he can buy it for his wife.
I’m always wondering what he’s doing in his sweet, mundane dreams.

Meanwhile, in my dreams, I’m flying, moving to some alternate universe, swimming with my daughter while we have mermaid fins, finding rooms full of fairies and shimmery blue butterflies, and eating desserts because I know I can eat as much as I want and not gain weight.
I have noticed these days in my mundane (and stress) dreams I seem to often be moving.
I’m moving and arranging all of the kids’ bedrooms.
I love arranging a house and also going through the things the past owners left.
In a recent stress dream I was moving and I was rushing through throwing all of these flower decorations away that the owner left.
It was so kitschy cute, every single item was covered in roses and pastels.
However I was so upset that they were not my own things in my home that I decided to just toss them compulsively.
Then I realized that I probably should have notified the owner.
Oops.

Iridescent Shower Curtain from Urban Outfitters

Miseducated TV: New Years Eve – New Vlogs Every Thursday

his and hers

So this year for New Years Eve we went to a lovely party in downtown Indianapolis with an art collector that bought a lot of David’s paintings at a gallery recently filled with delicious Mediterranean food, handmade, glittery chocolates and lots of chatter. It was glorious! She, Emily, had just adopted a new Siberian kitten for her adult male Siberian cat and they were so gorgeous. Then we walked through hour freezing city (Indianapolis was SO COLD on this night!) to our car and had our own chat at home prior to making peanut butter fudge, having sparkling cider and snuggling up to watch documentaries with Bacon (puppy) and Calvin (cat). Every year we’ve spent together we have made sure to have our own little discussion about the former year and our plans for improving ourselves next year. We also have a private discussion about our relationship and how grateful we are to have the life together that we have. Every single year I feel luckier. The more things we get through together causes both of us to be the more open-hearted, close and connected.

As you know I love making collages with photos, videos and the like. This is what I’m enjoying most with making the vlogs. It’s like a new format of my collage-obsessed, mixed-media creativity process. I hope it reads ok! This is a quick video collage of New Years Eve and our New Years Resolutions as well as what we plan not to do. I really love the idea of not only putting a list of goals you’ll accomplish but also things you will refrain from doing. I think it’s great to think about these in both ways just to get a good idea of your goals for yourself.

I’ve also decided THURSDAY will be my vlog or new video upload day so I’m not doing 3 a week or none a week. Since I’m new to Youtube vlogging I’d like to be on a schedule from now on. This also means I’ll plan to post the videos here every Thursday regardless if it’s just a video or an article related to the video or both as well as the other usual kinds of posts about whimsical lifestyle inspiration that you find at Miseducated.

Sweet Ways to Make Your Guy Smile

This is one of those drafts that got lost in the shuffle for a few years and I’m finally inspired to write it because it’s actually very sweet. There are more posts of this series coming that many of you will be excited about including a rerelease of ‘Ways to Make Your Best Friend Smile’ which in some ways will seem a tad bit redundant seeing as how your guy is probably also your best friend but generally it’s a much different kind of relationship that I’m referring to.

Valentine’s Day was very recent but that doesn’t mean you have to stop doing sweet things for the one you love or limit it to one silly day a year. This is a list of some of the ways I’ve learned to make my significant other feel better through experiencing life together… Obviously there is always a right time to do things as well as a wrong time and chances are you know when that is since he’s your guy and all. If you don’t, try to pick up on body language and tone from him.

1. Keep your shared space tidy and organized. If he is a slob, do a little extra work or occasionally remind him of his shared chores (but do not nag and do not complain if you choose to do them instead). I always feel like an old school Sim with a full “Room” scale when my house is clean so I assume it makes others feel good as well. A clean and cute home is a happy, inspiring home.

2. Take time out of your day to take care of yourself, fix your hair, paint your nails, shave your legs and put on a cute outfit. Pampering yourself will not only give you a smile and help you feel confident but it will also show your guy that it means a lot to you to look nice for him. Don’t just fancy up when you’re going out on the town but also when you’re staying in together. It will make him feel special that you’re looking nice just for him.

3. Remind him what he does for you and how it makes you feel inside. Tell him about the things you really love that he does each and everyday and the special things he does on rare occasions. Encourage your man to treat you like a princess by reminding him what things he does that make you feel really good.

4. Pamper him on special days. After he gets home from a long day of work or from a night out with the guys have the house tidy and dinner or dessert on the table for you to share by candle light. Sometimes I love to make fondue or a fruit tarte (recipe coming soon!) that we both really love to indulge in. It’s even nice to sit and have the dessert you made with love in your heart while you catch up on a favorite show or watch a movie you’re both interested in.

5. Prepare HIM a decadent bubble bath. I realize it’s not an exceptionally manly thing to take a bubble bath but I’ve found that occasionally it’s also nice for him to relax in the bath while you pamper him. Put in some bubble bath, a bath bomb, bath salts or some drops of essential oil, light some candles or incense (or both!) and bring him a nice, hot cup of green tea and keep him company if he’d like. Ask him about his day and offer to wash his back or massage his feet. These are not only things for men to do to their women, you can also show him you appreciate everything he does for you by pampering him as well.

Cute Date Ideas

1. Attend a local art show. Look up dates and times on your cities website. Many art shows also offer horderves and drinks while you both enjoy looking at the works and discussing them with each other.

2. Pack a cute picnic for two and head off to a park nearby, a secluded spot in the woods or a lovely beach overlooking the water to indulge in some tasty food you’ve prepared and each other. Bring along a camera for extra fun!

3. Plan a game night with our without the children. Play an old favorite together or invite your favorite double date couple. Prepare some easy snacks and drinks and enjoy each other’s company, laughter and some friendly competition.

4. On the next clear night pack a cozy blanket and find a secluded spot away from the city to romantically gaze at the stars together. Pack a light picnic also if you’d like.

5. Don’t feel like splurging on a date at the movie theater? Why don’t you both stay at home, snuggle on the couch and watch one of your favorite films together? Take turns picking the movie and you’ll learn more about each other by which movies you enjoy.

What are some of your favorite ways to make your guy feel special?

The Only Reason to get Married is…

‘Tis the season to… get hitched? Well, maybe weddings themselves are more popular in June, but according to a survey sponsored by the Fairchild Bridal Group (the people who publish Modern Bride) marriage proposals in November and December represent more than a quarter of all proposals for the entire year. And this is the reason most people get married – not because they’ve thought about why they want to get married, but simply because someone asked them! This brings me to the subject of this week’s blog: a young man I met recently named Antonio. He’s 24, and he used to play soccer in his native Spain but had to give it up after a foot injury ended his career. He made the best of his situation and turned to music and songwriting as a new career path. I encountered him because he provides music equipment for bands, and also karaoke machines for people like me who like to have noisy Xmas parties. As we chatted, he mentioned that he loves his job, he loves his band, and he has an ex-girlfriend he’s thinking about marrying. As you can imagine, I made a face at that, and asked him for clarification.

I mean, why would he want to marry someone who is his EX-girlfriend? Presumably the EX part is for a reason! He suddenly got very quiet and shrugged and said, “I guess I just… I don’t know… you know, she really wants to get married.” What? No no no. NO! I cannot have any response to that other than NO.

I asked Antonio if he would be interested in the kind of advice that would change his life and his way of thinking. I explained a little about who I am and what I do, and before he could really respond either way, I jumped right in to tell him my thoughts on the matter. After all, when again would I get an opportunity to mold his young spirit and get him onto the right path? I knew this was a critical moment and I would only have one chance to get it right.

“Here’s the thing, Antonio,” I said. “The only reason you should ever even CONSIDER, even for a brief moment, the sacrament of marriage, is because when you wake up in the morning, this beautiful, amazing person is the first thought in your head, and that thought makes you glow from the inside all day long, and you cannot stop thinking about how lucky you are that you get to spend your free time with this person, and that you get to be the recipient of their love and respect, and vice-versa. There should be no doubt in your mind that this is how you feel, before you even let the word ‘marriage’ come anywhere near the conversation.”

He stared at me as if he’d just been smacked in the face with a book and was wondering which direction it came from, and thought I knew I came on strong, I did it intentionally, hoping to get through to his young brain. He could have responded in a dismissive or irritated way, but he didn’t – he simply stared at me for a few seconds, and then slowly said, “thanks for that.” Did I get through to him? Well, of course I have no way of knowing for sure, but lets just say that this very professional and very competent young man left without collecting the very item he came to pick up.

And that made my day! It always thrills me when I can get through to people by using my larger-than-life passion for helping people find real love!

Get in Full Sync With Your Love

Too often to count relationships encounter a trip in the circuit, and things go awry. After the relationship gets a few years under it’s belt, it can be easy to let things fall in a style of communication, that at the moment feels comfortable, but not always for the best of the relationship. Lack of proper communication and lead to partners feeling unheard or often taken for granted, and even overwhelmed.

Last year I gave birth to two wonderful fraternal twin boys, and as you can imagine my life is not quite the same. My husband has been amazing through this transition, however we have been trying to adjust to still having our mojo that made us the self-proclaimed perfect mates for each other. Here are some tips that might help you encounter your relationship from other angles, and be overall more generous and open when talking to your lovebird.

lovebird

Make your lovebird someone you really trust and confide in. Many of us turn to others such as family, friends, and work friends for support & advice, because they are around us the most during the day. Don’t leave your lovebird in the dark, he or she should know what is going on in your life, and how it is that you truly feel.

Treat your lovebird with the same respect that you do your best friend. Too often we tend to overlook our friends faults, even if they drive us crazy. We know that no matter what we need to be there and not judge them, and be the support system they need. Doesn’t our lovebird deserve the same?

Remember that you and your lovebird are not the same person, and do not always have the same views on everything. Sometimes it’s hard to be the adult and recognize this, however embrace the differences and help your lovebird be the absolute best that they can be. Trying to edit someone to your desire, or quash his or her ideas is doleful affair that helps no one in the end.

When things get heated remember that your lovebird is often acting in what they think is best and are good intentions, trust in them and remain calm and open.

Recognize that when in conflict much our resentments, and defensiveness comes from out own insecurities rather then something that is wrong with our lovebird. Breathe and take a mental step back for a minute think before you speak, before things escalate to a level that no one wants to be in. If a break is need go for a walk and regroup with the best intentions for you both or the situation

After the conflict has occurred come back to them and acknowledge what has occurred. Though apologies aren’t always required, but a moment of kindness and a mutual agreement to move on without resentment is best.

Accept that life is a series of phases and life passes you by much too quickly. The relationship changes like everything else, and although it’s not the butterflies in your tummy and sweaty palms like it was in the early days. You can let it evolve into a fantastic intimate love that young lovers dream of.

Develop Great Mate-dar!

You’re single and want to meet that someone special NOW! Especially since we are on the cusp of the holidays, right? So naturally your Mate-dar (your ability to suss out a great mate) is turned up a notch. Or so you think. Truth is, Mate-dar is only as good as its end user.

So, whatever the reason, you’re on the prowl for a significant other. Maybe you feel you’re ready for a commitment. Maybe you’re looking for companionship. So you feel like your “Mate-dar” (your ability to suss out a great mate) is in full force, turned up top notch. But the truth is – even if you have the purest of intentions for seeking out a relationship – nobody’s Mate-dar is perfect.
The problem—or, should I say, one of the many challenges— with being human is knowing the difference between who we are and who we are not. Making the all-important distinction between our unconscious persona and our authentic, healthy, whole selves. Until we have addressed this process it is likely that our wounded little kid has a hold of an adult tool, waving it around like a toy, and then BANG! somebody gets hurt. Our Mate-dar, when operated by our 5-year-old wound, can get us into a lot of trouble—as would any part of ourselves we have not made peace with, healed or become aware of on some level.

In the case of seeking a great partner, when we are seeing through the eyes of a wound we are less likely to see clearly! This can show up in different ways (boy, can they be tricky, slippery and subtle all at once), most of them falling under the guise of denial or rationalization.

Here’s a great story to illustrate how elusive accessing our very own truth can be.
My husband, David, got on the scale this morning. I could hear the clang and distinct argh. “How can that be? I gained four pounds? I have only been eating lettuce all week, for crying out loud.” I tried to comfort him by saying that muscle weighs more than fat, and then burst out laughing, realizing that’s what I told myself last time I got on the scale. After we lavished one and another with a few more excuses, we decided that the scale was broken and we needed to get a new one. One that told us what we wanted to hear! That we were not fat!

I have learned it’s one thing to sit around and bitch and moan wishing things were different, and another to do something about it. So I went for a run, then later we went to get the scale. Apparently doing a little of both.

pretty in pink

“It’s never a good idea to weigh yourself late in the day, sweetie” I reminded him as he stepped off the fancy glass scale in Bed Bath and Beyond, that seconds before had held such promise. “Yeah, but this one says I weigh even more than the one at home—did I gain four more pounds since we left?” I wasn’t laughing, as I was about to climb on. Mind you, I don’t make it a habit to get on scales—I know all too well they are not my friends, because I almost never feel better about myself as a result! How bad could it be? I thought. I run and eat well and anyway I would know if I… “What the…? A hundred and…? Wow, I don’t know what to say, except …that scale can’t be right!” I leapt off like it was a bed of hot coals.

“Oh, look, here’s one that tells you how much muscle versus fat you have, and it will show us how much water we are retaining! Let’s try it. You go first!” I said. David placed the Ferrari version of a scale on the floor, took his flip-flops off again and stepped on. “Uh oh…uhhhh… Wait, try that one, that’s just a regular old scale,” and quickly pointed to another. He put the Ferrari one back, put the next one on the floor and hopped on. We both waited as it calculated. “Well, this one says the same thing as the one at home does,” he shrugged. ‘Which means—uh…we’re fat, right?” We both laughed, let it sink in for a minute, and then decided that since we were ready to admit the truth, that we weighed more than we wanted to, we might as well buy the really cool one that told us in great detail all about it.

What the heck does this have to do with relationships? That’s a very good question, and if you answered “Everything!” you are definitely smarter than the average bear!

Pay attention, ‘cause this is some heavy. It doesn’t get any more real than this kind of reality. A huge contributor, if not a top ten reason so many of us don’t have a GREAT relationship, is—we don’t tell ourselves (or others) the truth. It’s an exact proportion, as a matter of fact! Think about it. Let’s say I asked you right now to write down your name, how much you weigh, how much you make a year, the color of your eyes, hair, your shoe size, how tall you are, where you live. Nine out of ten of you would lie about at least half. The rest of you would at least exaggerate or minimize. Don’t believe me, go grab the next person you see and tell them how much you really weigh. How tall you are, to the centimeter. What color your hair really is. How old you actually are. Go down the list; if you are honest with yourself, you will see how often we lie about the most mundane things. Why? Because of what we make it mean:

I weigh X = I am fat = no one will want/love me
I am X years old = I am too old = no one will love me
I am five feet X = too short (or tall) = no one wants that = no one will want me
My real hair color is X = I am unattractive = no one will love me
I make X amount of money = I am poor = no one will want to be with me/love me

So we do what my husband and I tried to do. We slip right into the old river called Denial. We begin with some simple rationalizations, adding or taking away a zero here and there. What harm can it do? we think, Who cares? If I don’t care, why should anyone else? Well, that’s the problem. You do care, or you wouldn’t bother lying—especially to yourself!

You can see how easy it is to miss cues, red flags and warnings or signs from another person that they really aren’t interested. Our agenda for love can be so strong, our wound-ology so ingrained, that it actually distorts reality! Here are some recommendations to help develop or adjust our Mate-dar.

One of my favorites is to interview people who have the kind of relationship you want. If you can’t interview, at least pay attention and jot down some features that stand out for you!

Date yourself seriously. Yes, seriously…date yourself. Make a date, get ready for it, pick the place you want yourself to take yourself, the whole nine, and do it. How do you like your own company, what do you notice about yourself?
Interview yourself. Yeah, why not? Who are you? What do you want out of life? What’s your five-year plan, what is your relationship history? Ask yourself all the questions you would ask of another, and see how you react or what comes up for you.

Have a few practice dates with real people to see how well your intuition is working. Yes, a date where you actually try and work on your weakness. Maybe you even ask the person for feedback about you and see how your perceptions compare. Could be very enlightening, if you have the courage!

Look, if you don’t take care to do these things, or things like this, for yourself, why would you expect anyone else to? Awakening to consciousness is not for lightweights—it’s hard work, and you got want the good stuff! Like I always say, great relationships begin within. Don’t kid yourself!

Qualities in a Partner

I heard the most evil thing the other day. My definition of evil is often flexible, lying somewhere in between totally heinous and completely ridiculous. This story falls in there–you decide for yourself.

My gal pal told me she read a book this guy wrote ( If I had one less scruple, I might tell you his name–for now, we’ll call him something friendly, like Penile Supremacist…PS for short. Fine–forget that, let’s just call him Jack. There! Who can argue with that?) So JACK made quite an impression on my not-so-easily-impressionable gal pal recently. She rang me straight away to give me the scoop.

“Maryanne, you’re not going to believe what @#$% says in his book!” She’s known me for 15 years now, knows that in general male/female issues have been in my top 10 list of favorite things to get bunged up about…particularly when they’re coming from downwind, let’s say. Historically, she delivers the message and then runs for cover. As she started recounting “The top10 qualities women are looking for in relationship with men,” my eyes started rolling back in my head. (I get bored easily sometimes.) Here’s all I can remember:love-is

1. Presence

2. Intelligence

3. Sense of humor

However, I perked up a bit when she started on the men’s list, which I remember every detail of, luckily. You have to be so excited–are you? I mean, finally someone is willing to divulge such privileged information–top 10 qualities men are looking for in relationship with YOU! Here they are, in order of importance:

1. Great in the sack

2. Great in the sack

3. Great in the sack

4. Great in the sack

5. Great in the sack…

Sorry.. I know I am going too fast–I do that sometimes–but did you get that so far, ’cause I have 5 to go… but – you already know what the rest of them are. Exactly–great in the sack, great in the sack, great in the sack, great in the sack, great in the sack.

Now then while I am sure JACK has some motivation for telling this story, other than to humiliate men for making them appear as though they have no discretion–which would really be like saying men are stupid (that can’t be true). Perhaps he’s simply lost his way. I must give him credit for the fact that he apparently asked these gentleman to rethink the question, and they did come up with some insightful, significant qualities they are looking for in their relationships with women.

Apparently our friend (who now shall, for his own protection, remain nameless) has not been informed that hormonal litmus testing is medieval, that we live in houses now, we even read and write. (How did he miss that?) We have developed skills beyond pounce and attack. How does someone who is in the position of teaching open, impressionable people get away with spouting ancient stereotypes like he was proud of the “well-known fact” that men often think with their smorgasbords?

The point is–well, one point is: Making love is an art – and it’s not just about the sex. It’s no wonder so many women think being great in the sack is a good investment of their time. How about we all revisit that list, people…take pen and paper and really make a list. Look and see what unconscious ideas you may have about the other sex…’cause when mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy!