Make a List: Naughty or Nice?

When we don’t know who we are, what we want or have our priorities intact, we fall into the default loop that was programmed into our subconscious long ago. “I want someone handsome, tall, and strong; someone rich, who will take care of me, someone sexy who is great in le sac, etc.” At some point we start to realize these aren’t things that make a great relationship. Someone we thought was hot becomes really unattractive when their real character starts to show.

Here’s an email I got recently:

“I wanted to thank you also for your story about “presence” that you told at your talk recently at Open Secret Book Store in San Rafael. I had an important experience of that this weekend. I have been contemplating dating a man I met recently who is a financially successful lobbyist, and we have many other interests aside from politics. The wining and dining is great, but when we’re together, it is odd: he is always distracted by his cell, a meeting, not enough time, etc.

This weekend, another man, a very old friend, came to town…we’ve known each other 35 years (college). He came to my studio and asked about my work, and he was incredibly “present” with me. And you are right, it was a total and complete turn-on. Whoa!

The next day, I had dinner with the other man (the lobbyist) and he spent most of the time talking about how his recent ex-girlfriend is using a popular dating site and how her profile is full of lies, and that he ought to get his own profile on the site so he could compete in attracting new women (so what am I, chopped liver?). Not present at all. Big turn-off! We were supposed to go on a date this Saturday, to the ballet, but I canceled it because I decided I would rather have my own precious company, than his….

So I just wanted to echo what you said, that presence is really “IT”! and my back-to-back experience of it, with these two men, absolutely convinced me of what I want, and do not want, in a relationship with a man. Thank you for your teachings, Maryanne!”

A few days later…

“Hi Maryanne, so interesting what happens when I choose me. I came home to find a huge box of flowers from my college friend. I’m sure that saying goodbye to that lobbyist was the best decision I’ve ever made.
Thank you…”
J.Alder, Nor Cal

Bottom line, ladies and gentlemen: when we don’t know who we are, what we want or have our priorities intact, we fall into the default loop that was programmed into our subconscious long ago. “I want someone handsome, tall, and strong; someone rich, who will take care of me, someone sexy who is great in le sac, etc.” At some point we start to realize these aren’t things that make a great relationship. Someone we thought was hot becomes really unattractive when their real character starts to show.

I have met too many people who, time and again, confess that the things they thought they wanted weren’t essential at all—or, at minimum, fell lower on the priority list than they once realized.

Perhaps rather than “hot and successful” being at the top of the list, you could alter it some and require that certain other qualities be immediately apparent:

Present
Kind
Interested
Honest
Generous
Purpose-driven
Attractive
Sensual, etc.

So, yes, make that list, but check it twice as the holidays approach. Do you really want someone naughty or do you want someone one who’s mostly nice (and maybe a little naughty only on special occasions)?

Finding More Love and Happiness

These are not tips meant to be solely taken for happiness, you can find tons of happiness inspiration nestled within all sorts of magazines and websites! However.. these are tips I have found to be true. Accept them and make them work for you and you’ll find some delicious new happiness.

Copying

Taking inspirations from other artists and making them work in a way that is very you and your style can be ok but make sure you’re aware of where you got it from. If what one person is doing inspires you, also make sure others know about it. Recognize and honor those who inspire you, they wont forget you as easily when they’re rising to the top.

It’s important to realize we do not live in a box closed off from the outside world and everyone’s work is everywhere. I used to get really upset about this. Still do sometimes.. but what’s the point?

Be aware that if you’re using another artist’s work without their permission in any way to benefit yourself or to gain profit, you should be strung by your shoelaces to the nearest tree until you come to your senses. The importance of the world and the internet is that we all have an opportunity to express OURSELVES. Not our neighbors.

Copycats

Let go of your superiority complex if you have one. People are going to copy you if you’re doing something groundbreaking, it’s not a new tale. Instead of trying to monitor the whole world (impossible even for Bush), accept that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Can you imagine if Andy Warhol exerted energy making sure no one copied his work? You’re inspiring others. Be proud of yourself. Artists have inspired other artists since the beginning of time. That being said DON’T COPY. Find inspiration but BE YOURSELF.

Research

Study daily, anything you have an interest or passion in. Continue learning about it and never stop — let your passions guide you and your dreams. Live your life doing what you love and enjoy everyday you have alone and with those you adore to the utmost. Share your passions and research, in this way we’re always learning about new things from each other. Master your craft and you will find true happiness and satisfaction inside.

Flamers & Trolls

Everywhere that there are amazing and positive, creative, successful people you’ll find a group of jealous and conniving. They feel that instead of working on their own dreams they’d prefer to shatter yours and inspire you to fail. Don’t ever give up and let them win — be true to yourself and you’ll attract friends that are true to you, too. Everyone has people that do not like them, everyone clashes with someone. Don’t ever beat yourself up for it, focus on those you love and that love you. Always be open to new friends. You only live this life once, spend it with and thinking about the positive relationships you have and move on from the negative. They’ll only cause you pain in the end and it’s usually taking away from your family and friends that stood by since the beginning.

Memories

Or souvenirs of the mind. Collect good memories and let go of hurtful ones. Be aware that you cannot change the past and your new life starts today. If you feel there is something missing from your life that you see in your memories — realize that is a charm to be shared with only you and whomever you may experienced it with. If you can locate them let them know what they mean to you, if you cannot mentally thank them for the wonderful adventures and move on to have new ones. When people separate it can be for a million reasons, all that matters is the memories they shared. Don’t focus on what you had, focus on what you have. It’s nothing but a Polaroid to hold sentimentally in your mind, let it inspire you to spend new amazing times with the people you care about now.

Compassion

Be a little bit more compassionate! Not only will it improve your happiness but it will improve the receiver’s happiness as well. Even if you feel fake, like you don’t mean the help you are extending, keep offering and building character because soon you will feel it. You’ll feel better for being reliable, too. 🙂

happiness

It also doesn’t help to take a trip to your nearest carnival and grab some cotton candy or a candy apple or saltwater taffy! If you were really feeling indulgent you might get all three, haha.

Learning to Love You

smile on the outside

I’m totally new at this and I’m not going to try to be something I’m not. Instead I’m going to put myself out there and hope to inspire you to do amazing things for yourself. Although I’ve always tried to put myself out there I’ve also always held back.. and only those closest to me know why.

I have struggled with merely liking myself my entire life — it is my problem and my vice. I know that it’s important for me to get this under control, to find love for myself in order to improve my quality of life, succeed at the goals I work towards and continue to be inspired — but how?

Well it IS hard, but once you begin on the road to self-love you will notice your life and appreciation for life looking brighter and brighter. You get what you put out in a sense, so start focusing on positive things and treating others as you would like to be treated. You’ll see a change. It’s always hard at first — anxiety, change, fear — it’s scary. You’ll begin to notice that when you force yourself to do the things you used avoid they become easier to do.

In my quest for self-improvement I have come across the most wonderful, inspirational girl, website and podcast. Her name is Gala Darling and she has a blog devoted to crowning your beautiful life and an amazing self-improvement podcast.

“You cannot be lonely if you like the person you are alone with.”
– Wayne Dyer

Does comparing yourself to others create negative feelings which cause you to feel bad about yourself? This happens to everyone, everyone is improving themselves in someway. Comparison is the all purpose killer, everyone is absolutely different in every way and has their own story, life, dna, experiences, etc. This is your only life, make it worth your while and don’t let others, who may not even really know you, define you.

You have to reprogram your thinking and start to take notice of the things you enjoy about yourself and about life. Sure everyone has something about them that may cause you to clash with others, but what things attract others to you? What things are important to the person that you are? If you feel you are working towards bettering yourself and achieving your goals you will feel more satisfied and confident.

Remember you cannot change the way that people treat you, if they like you or even if they want to give you the time of day. You have to show them why they should give you the time of day and if they respond negatively, change the way you react to it. You cannot change anyone or make everyone like you so someday you’re going to have to reprogram the way criticism makes you feel.

Making a Change

Don’t worry. Worrying changes nothing.
Make a list of and focus on your good qualities and attributes; don’t focus on negative ones.
Be kind to others, see yourself in them.
Find your passion and set achievable goals daily.
Choose a role model; their good qualities can inspire you to be a better person.
Accept compliments.
Know that you are a valuable person. Your time is valuable.
Take care of yourself.
Celebrate your differences.
Smile.
Make eye contact with others when interacting.
Act confident even if you aren’t, if you don’t feel it now you’ll start to.
Consider adopting a cat for responsibility, a routine, comfort and unconditional love.
Take action.

“Many people appreciate the power of positive thinking. But we believe that positive thinking alone is of limited value. Simply repeating positive affirmations such as “I am a wonderful person with much to offer the world” will NOT change your life unless you actively DO something to reinforce that you ARE a wonderful person with much to offer the world!” , Self-Esteem for Women.

“I have an everyday religion that works for me. Love yourself first, and everything else falls into line.”
– Lucille Ball

.. and remember, if we’re new at this we need to take it one day at a time.

“Keep looking at the bright-side and someday you’ll see yourself there.”
– Benjamin Amick aka Mistereducated

Resources

How to Love Yourself in 17 Ways

Minimalism vs Hoarding and Decadent Interior

If I could just… if this was.. it still doesn’t *feel* right!

I’m often finding myself stuck when designing new layouts for Miseducated — it started so collage heavy as I was using tons and tons of popular icons.. then I started seeing the collage thing EVERYWHERE and it was feeling cluttered so I obviously cut it down… :p I always feel that deconstructing and ridding of any excess is a positive thing.

Now why is this?

My room was very cluttered as a child and I hoped for a day when I would have my own modern, minimalist house.

As you can see my minimalism kind of lost the battle with whimsical nonsense and fantasy candylands. Obviously I find my *greatest* satisfaction in cuteness, well-designed, minimal yet colorful homes (Jeu de Paumes went RIGHT UP my alley, didn’t they yours? ^_~).

.. but is deleting and deconstructing making it better really? Is it just my fucked up sense of things?

I *know* hoarding isn’t healthy, it’s very hard to overcome like any addiction… so does that mean that minimalism is the goal? We simply *must* know! I’m very familiar with hoarding regarding my own life and have studied it extensively in my obsession with psychology and helping myself and those around me.

(… and while we’re at it, why do you *insist* on using asterisks *everywhere*?!

Because I often despise italics, use bold for other things and have a strange need to use the only flower on my keyboard over and over and over! As well as inserting random thoughts that have no relevance to the subject at hand –if anything this NEGATES minimalism–because of course, I am a crazy rambler. With all positives come negatives. ^_~)

Hoarding

Hoarding is the excessive collection of items, along with the inability to discard them.
Hoarding, also called compulsive hoarding and compulsive hoarding syndrome, can be a symptom of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD).
People who hoard often don’t see it as a problem, making treatment challenging.
Mayo Clinic

Minimalism

A twentieth century art movement and style stressing the idea of reducing a work of art to the minimum number of colors, values, shapes, lines and textures. – ArtLex

Funny thing is.. minimalism is many times regarded as ‘rejective art’ and I think of it as ‘perfective’ art — it’s a very tough thing to master correctly — it can be done both very right and very wrong.

A minimal lifestyle… now that’s exactly what I admire. When applying the rules of minimalism to your life and home it helps a lot if you’re moving (I was) or organizing absolutely everything — it’s good to do yearly (*spring*cleaning)!

1. Evaluate your possessions that sit on shelves.
2. Find a place for everything.
3. Enjoy what you have.
Christian PF

Zakka

Another design movement, but in Japan. Generally means improving your environment and seeing beauty in the mundane.

When I see zakka it reminds me almost of a minimalist cuteness and innocence, it is completed with the sweet kitschy illustrations and/or designs that are *just enough* to add color and sweetness into the room. It’s very natural and inspired by country lifestyle.

Which lifestyle do you lean towards? 😉

Gallery

Merci: Landscape Online, Momoy, Christopher Coleman, Elidur, Homepic, SoSuperSam, BKK Home, Zakka Candy