What if You Had One Week to Live? I did.

I don’t like the phrases “live like there’s no tomorrow”, “live like you’re dying,” or “what if you had one week to live?”

This is a very matter of fact depiction that I wrote while I couldn’t sleep. It’s purely to request you to think deeper about the previously mentioned phrases, and not a current mental or physical state. Rather, a perspective from an insider. Be warned, It’s long, riddled with errors, and the context also changes frequently, my grammar fanatics.

This is coming from someone who (several years ago now) truly believed that their life was coming to a near end due to health related issues.

None of my doctors were optimistic about my chances for survival, and I believed them.

The problem with believing that’s there’s no tomorrow is that we fail to take into account that there are consequences for our actions. We perpetually minimize things that have a major impact on us long-term, and don’t take into account the repercussions that will arise from rash indiscretions.

Sure, I understand what the concepts are trying to portray. “Seize the Day.” I understand that the message is supposed to be, “Tell people you love them, take chances, follow your dreams, spend time with your kids, etc.” However, when you believe you’re dying or that there’s no tomorrow (or at best very few of them), those are not the actions that I found myself making.

What I found during that time was that most people I interacted with had little concept of what it actually felt like to live this way. I lived in the parallel universe that no one seemingly made sense to me, and I beyond baffled everyone I came in contact with. Consequences didn’t matter to me anymore, because I wouldn’t have to live through them.

So, in that aspect I’ll give you a brief summary of what it was like for me to live as a person who was dying and the thought of no tomorrow.

Romance

I didn’t date seriously. A lot, but not seriously. I wouldn’t let anyone get close to me. I avoided new legitimate relationships. After all, how do you answer the question: “where do you see yourself in 5 years?” How could you seriously allow someone to become emotionally attached to you knowing there’s nothing in store for them but heart ache?

Friendships

I like to think that I was just unlucky with picking my friends, and that most humans don’t interact this way. However, if you are ill long-term you will more than likely lose most of your friends. (At least in my experience). You slowly start declining more and more invitations for social activities. You cease to invite people over/out. You fade away. You need more and give less. And to be completely honest you’re boring and depressing, which most people don’t tend to seek out. You get questions like: “How’s it going?” You either lie – “great!” Or you tell the truth “well, I can’t get in and out of the tub anymore. It’s too hard for my to stand long enough to shower, so I’m using a lot more baby wipes” or “I’ve lost 12 pounds this week, because I can’t keep food down.” You begin let go of people that you care about.

Work

If you’re even still healthy enough to work. I was unfortunately not in a financial situation to be able to take off work. I was a single adult who still had too many bills to pay (plus new ones with all of the medical expenses). I no longer tried to improve my quality of workmanship. I couldn’t afford to put any further energy in increasing my skill set. It took all I had just to get out of bed each day. Impressing people no longer mattered. I had to be driven to work, because I became too weak to drive myself. My quality of work rapidly declined. What was the point?

Health and Wellness

Many of the health trends are due to us wanting to live long and healthy lives. If you know you’re dying, then why not? I was sleeping on average 18-20 hours per day. You’re too sick to want to expend the energy on exercising (in fact walking across the room, is enough to make you need to take a nap). I couldn’t stand long enough to cook anything, which I had loved cooking and baking. My diet became a menagerie of fast food, delivery, high sugar and caffeine (for energy), alcohol for the pain. **Alcohol was a major contraindication for my medicines, but what was it going to do? Kill me?. I had also tried approx 10 different pain medications for my severe pain, most of which caused horrible reactions. (Rashes, edema, panic attacks, etc) Tylenol even put me in the ER** (If you know me now, my diet is very strict and I still get teased for not consuming alcohol.)

Finances

So, what happens when your lease is up when you know you won’t live another year? If you don’t renew what about your stuff? Should you put it in a storage unit? Money was way too thin to justify it anyway. I gave away almost all my furniture, clothing, and home goods. I was too sick to move it, and what did I need it for anyway?

I didn’t file my taxes. Come rob my grave, IRS. I stopped paying a lot of my bills. Were my student loan companies going to come repo my diploma? I was already choosing between medicine and food. One prescription was $1000/mo. Obviously any kind of saving was out of the question.

Healthcare

I didn’t go to the dentist, the eye doctor, my OBGYN, regular doctor for check-ups, etc. why? Anything seriously wrong with any of those departments would take years to manifest, and I had months at best.

What I can say positively is that I suffered from depression prior to these events, and I can also say that it honestly cured it. I have previously tried to recount these concepts for people who claim I was just depressed and had given up. Quite the opposite. It cured my depression and I fought every day to see the next one. I just had to pick my battles, and I found I could fight fewer and fewer as my health declined.

Why anyone would want to live like they were dying is beyond me. It only proves that the ones who state these ideas have no concept of what it’s really like. My overall trend was “what’s the point?” Especially while I was already spread so thin on just trying to survive one more minute.

Advice

What I believe is that we should live as if we have our whole lives ahead of us. We should act and build now. So that we can have as long as possible to reap what we’ve sown. Build something beautiful that you can love and share with others. Save money. Travel. Splurge on loved ones. Put your toes in the sand (even if you don’t like the beach – get an umbrella). Go camping (even if you don’t like bugs – get a cabin). Go to a foreign speaking country, and feel what it’s like to be an outsider. Do things that scare you (parasailing… Absolutely terrified me!) Try things you don’t think you’re capable of. Don’t stay where you’re not appreciated. Give up when you can’t make a difference, so that you can find where you do. Avoid debt as much as possible. Support people’s passions. Help those during their trying times. Most of all never live like you’re dying, because there’s always a point.

My Soul Mate Asked Me to Marry Him

This past weekend on June 13, 2015 (Saturday) the man of my dreams, my soul mate, someone I’ve been through hell and heaven with, and every fantasy I’ve ever had, asked me to marry him. To spend my life with him. To give him the opportunity to love and heal and grow with me forever. I can’t imagine a better gift from God and the universe than he. My Colette and my fiance, I feel so blessed. I’ve been floating on a sort of love I can’t come down from. I feel like my love meter has been raised and I can’t get enough. He’s the only person I’ve known (besides my daughter) that I can’t be angry at for longer than a few seconds. It’s just not worth it to be separate!

part1

First we packed a picnic and he took me kayaking — we have a two-person kayak and I love going because we always find animals swimming around (otters and beavers!) and we dock and explore the forest a bit (I’ve always adored the forest). We live right near Fall Creek which is lovely, it goes through the woods and you never know what you’ll find. We went further back to drop our boat in than we had before and it started RAINING HARD as soon as we got in the water. Luckily it was right beside a bridge so we rowed under it and maybe 5 minutes later the sun came out so off we went. I’m sure there were rainbows but I could only see the trees canopying over the creek. David said we had reservations that night so we needed to get home to get dressed up. Eeek! It was taking longer than expected to get near home. We had to call an uber car to give us a ride to our van so we could pick up the boat and everything happened so smoothly I was just in a daze.

part2

We both got ready, took a quick rest and then David drove us downtown where we arrived at a lovely horse drawn carriage. I always wanted to ride one of those around the city. The horse was so cute! We got to pet her and she had painted, pastel, sparkly feet for the Pride Parade that day and had big flowers in her hair. Inside the carriage was a bouquet of roses and a box of chocolates from this tasty chocolate cafe on the circle. The horse took us on a tour around the city, even cute vintage-looking parts I hadn’t seen before. I loved it. It was so wonderful and I’ll never forget it.

part3

Then we went to sit beside the fountain and share chocolates after the carriage ride was over. David was asking me about my plans for the next 5 years and things that were important for me to accomplish.. I was really loving our date night and feeling so close. He said he had something in his briefcase and he kneeled down on the steps and I just started crying. He told me everything I’ve ever dreamed someone would say to me since I was a young girl watching cheesy 90s teen romance movies hoping things like that really happened. He promised to always love me and always work towards being a better man and doing any healing and work for us to be a better us. He told me so many things I never thought anyone could even verbalize that were just music to my heart. He asked if I would marry him and I said yes while the tears rolled down my cheeks. He then handed me a letter he wrote to me conveying everything he just said in a personal format I could keep. I’ve never felt so loved and cherished in my entire life.

I have known since we met 9 years ago he was very special and I loved being around him. We both felt a connection and knew we should stay in touch even through we were both in different stages in life. Since we started dating 3 years ago I knew he was the one, getting to know him more deeply has felt like remembering someone my heart already knew. I just didn’t imagine everything would happen as it did over all those years but we got through hell together and have arrived at this wonderful place where we can just enjoy life and love. I’m so grateful. I feel so honored that this is the man for me.

part4

After this he said we STILL weren’t done with our date night so we went on a little evening walk and arrived to Indy’s little treasure St. Elmo Steakhouse (world’s best shrimp cocktail) to have an amazingly rich dinner and more flowers waiting for me there. He said he planned to propose there but thought it would be more special at a public place we can visit and associate that special moment with it. All of the waiters knew of course so they all stopped by to congratulate us. He said he tried to incorporate most of the parts of our lives into this day and hoped it was special.. meanwhile.. I’m still just in shock.

st elmo steakhouse

We walked home hand in hand under the street lights and on sidewalks aglow with rainbow glitter from the pride parade just that morning while every passerby donning rainbow beads (I wanted some!) yelled, “Congratulations” as though they knew what cloud I was floating on. I was carrying so many flowers I’m sure I looked as though I’d won an award or been the lead on a broadway musical. I still float on that pink cloud throughout the days and even when I’m stressed or sad I think of this special day and know that I did succeed in finding my soul mate, completing our family and being filled with joy we’re devoted to spending the rest of our lives together.

Amnesia: When You Forget Your Life and Love

eternalsunshine

I’ve been through a lot of things in the last 30 years, and yes, I know it sounds incredibly cliche and probably quite unlikely. I never ever thought some things would happen; others were completely normal to me and even more seemed like a movie or soap opera (completely unreal and strange). Every one of these things has changed me and made me who I am today, I am grateful I can speak about these things and live a healthy life both in spite and in honor of them.

Almost exactly a year ago one of my worst nightmares came true. I say worst nightmare about several key fears of mine and every single one of them has happened in some way. I’ve arrived at a place that I’m fearful to even have a worst nightmare anymore (so I don’t!). My furry companion (and life-long best buddy!) passed away at the age of 17 as I explained in Cats Are Good for Your Health and that was tough enough.. but next I came face to face with an even scarier experience. My soul mate had a major health scare (an isolated siezure) which was followed by severe amnesia for the following two days. I was strong, I kept positive. The kids really had no idea because I maintained that everything was completely fine and that dad was just feeling sick. I helped him feel safe even when he didn’t really know who I was. I took charge of his health and comforted him when he was confused, hurt or overwhelmed. They said his memory should come back within a few days if not the following weeks or months. They said it should come back but they didn’t know when because they’d never witnessed such a severe case. I just believed his memory would come back even when I didn’t understand why. I believed he would be ok and his brain would be healthy. I believed he would again remember me, our children, our home, our life. I knew he couldn’t have a tumor or serious condition. I practiced the law of attraction and stayed positive.

His memory gradually came back over the following days and the whole experience became an invaluable lesson for both of us in different ways, something we won’t soon forget. I got the experience of knowing that if the love of my life didn’t know me and got to decide if he would choose to do it all over again, he would. He told me in his severe amnesia that although he couldn’t remember who I was or our relationship he knew inside that I was his soul mate. He said he had this feeling inside that I was the only girl for him. He knew that he wanted to marry me and he knew my nickname when contemplating for a long time in the far parts of his brain (even though he kept calling me Farah Fawcett–the sex symbol when he was a kid). What was humorous was when he told me several times he didn’t know me but he’d like to get to (hah!) and felt shocked and modest when I helped him find the restroom and stepped inside.

For him, he felt grateful in an unreal way. He said he woke up into a life he couldn’t have imagined in his wildest dreams and he hoped he could always remember how blessed he is even when he feels he is struggling. He saw all of the small and big things alike and how important each and every one of them are — how lucky many of us are but we forget because we’re so involved in our lives. When we came home he couldn’t believe this huge house was our home.. he couldn’t believe he lived here with me and loved seeing the photos of the wonderful times we shared. He DID remember Hobbes and he didn’t remember that he passed, so he got to mourn that several times over the days but he also got to know Calvin (as a kitten) all over again and felt grateful that this tiny feline wanted nothing more than to cuddle him.

We fell asleep that first night in each other’s arms when he still didn’t really know who I was and I felt incredibly grateful that no matter what he remembered I knew he was the only man for me.

To be continued…

davidandamber

(500) Days of Summer Discernment

500daysofsummer

“If you don’t like Zooey Deschanel, you’re incapable of love.” is a phrase that has shoddily fallen from my lips a lot, lately. Theoretically, this may have something to do with the following facts:
1. She’s my doppelganger, and who doesn’t love their second self?
2. I support everything Ben Gibbard (Death Cab for a Cutie / The Postal Service) does, and any friend (or in this case, wifey) is ‘okay’ in my book  and/or
3. I encourage rampant sarcasm.

Therefore, it seems only logical that I would be watching (500) Days of Summer over and over… And over… And over again. I’m fairly certain that there’s a cult devoted to Deschanel, and after the release of this movie, the members in which doubled, maybe even tripled in size. Unfortunately, I have yet to pledge my allegiance to actress/singer-songwriter by branding her face on my rib cage and learning the secret cult handshake, so if you thought this article was to be consecrated to her, you’ve been sadly mistaken.

What I would really like to share are all of the things I learned the third and fourth (..Fifth…And sixth…) viewing of romantic comedy-drama. The quotes that had stuck out distinctively, yet were so easy to over look. Like Twilight merchandise in a Hot Topic store. The little lessons embedded within the script that may or may not have been intentional, but will be interpreted and analyzed anyway (It’s your high school English class all over again. Did the light at the end of Daisy’s dock really represent all of Gatsby’s hopes and dreams, or was there just a light at the end of her dock? How do you know, teaching’ lady?! Did you have coffee with Fitzgerald or somethin’?!)

Tom: What happens if you fall in love?

Summer: Well, you don’t believe that, do you?

Tom: It’s love. It’s not Santa Claus.

Do you remember Santa Claus? Do you remember the whole-hearted belief that he existed? Ever got into a fight at school over his actuality? You never had to see him Christmas night, despite how late you may have stayed up, to believe that it was him who had put all those presents underneath the Christmas tree, but you were willing to fight for his honor. Don’t you wish you had believed in him just a little while longer, nostalgically wishing for that same whimsy every holiday?

Love is an awful lot like Santa Claus, it only exists if you believe in it. You won’t see Cupid’s arrows shoot through someone’s chest cavity, but there are literally millions of signs that prove it’s existence.  And we need to fight for the belief that it’s there, much like we had done with Old Saint Nick. What most older (cruel) children seem to forget when they crash our childhood down is that Saint Nicholas did exist, as does love. The only difference is that Kris Kringle was a mortal person, whereas love is an idea. A feeling. An indescribable occurrence, that will only live as long as we allow it to.

Most days of the year are unremarkable. they begin, and they end, with no lasting memories made in between. Most days have no impact on the course of a life. May 23rd was a Wednesday.

This was a quote with the kind of brutal and merciless honesty that cut me like a hot knife through butter when it collided against my ears. Imagine being on your deathbed and realizing that most of the days in your life were painstakingly monotonous. You woke up, you went to work or school, you came home. There were only a few special memories lingering in your head after your seventy,eighty,ninety years of life.

We need to find a way to make our lives mean more to us. We cannot keep spending  the majority of our time here interacting with a lifeless machine. We need to stop telling our friends ‘happy birthday’ on their wall as we say it on the right side of the screen and actually make the effort to remember on our own, make a phonecall. Social networking should not be synonymous for social gathering. Life is too short for these hollow friendships that are solidified with ‘likes’, comments, and ‘wall posts’ rather then actual conversation. Everything there is to know about me cannot be found on my page.

Paul: Robin is better than the girl of my dreams. She’s real.

To often I see girls and guys pass up their opportunity with an absolutely fantastic person because they’re waiting for someone ‘better’ to come along, who never does. We need to get over ourselves and get to know one another before we make any sort of judgements. There is no such thing a perfect dream guy/girl, everyone has flaws (and I don’t care how cute you think ‘awkward’ is, not everyone’s flaw is going to be ‘awkward’). We need to stop waiting around for some dream person, or some dream job to come up and sweep us away, or we’ll be waiting around forever.

Tom: People should be able to say how they feel, how they really feel, not ya know, some words that some stranger put in their mouth. Words like love, that don’t mean anything. Sorry, I’m sorry, I um, I quit. There’s enough bullsh*t in the world without my help.

This one is as simple as it gets: What are words if you don’t mean them when you say them? When you speak, speak from your own heart, as genuinely as you can.

Summer: We’re just friends.

Tom: No! Don’t pull that with me! Kissing in the copy room? Holding hands in Ikea? Shower sex? Come on! Friends my balls!

I really shouldn’t have to tell any of you lovely gals this, but on the slim and highly unlikely chance that this smidgen of wisdom skipped over you: Don’t send mixed signals. Be as clear as you can, as straight forward as possible. With relationships, at work, with friends. Misinterpretation can get ugly, especially when it’s deliberate. If you don’t know what you want, don’t act on impulse until you do. It will save you and a variety of people in your life a whole lot of trouble.

What about you? What are you favorite (500) quotes? Is there any reason why?

Miseducated TV: New Years Eve – New Vlogs Every Thursday

his and hers

So this year for New Years Eve we went to a lovely party in downtown Indianapolis with an art collector that bought a lot of David’s paintings at a gallery recently filled with delicious Mediterranean food, handmade, glittery chocolates and lots of chatter. It was glorious! She, Emily, had just adopted a new Siberian kitten for her adult male Siberian cat and they were so gorgeous. Then we walked through hour freezing city (Indianapolis was SO COLD on this night!) to our car and had our own chat at home prior to making peanut butter fudge, having sparkling cider and snuggling up to watch documentaries with Bacon (puppy) and Calvin (cat). Every year we’ve spent together we have made sure to have our own little discussion about the former year and our plans for improving ourselves next year. We also have a private discussion about our relationship and how grateful we are to have the life together that we have. Every single year I feel luckier. The more things we get through together causes both of us to be the more open-hearted, close and connected.

As you know I love making collages with photos, videos and the like. This is what I’m enjoying most with making the vlogs. It’s like a new format of my collage-obsessed, mixed-media creativity process. I hope it reads ok! This is a quick video collage of New Years Eve and our New Years Resolutions as well as what we plan not to do. I really love the idea of not only putting a list of goals you’ll accomplish but also things you will refrain from doing. I think it’s great to think about these in both ways just to get a good idea of your goals for yourself.

I’ve also decided THURSDAY will be my vlog or new video upload day so I’m not doing 3 a week or none a week. Since I’m new to Youtube vlogging I’d like to be on a schedule from now on. This also means I’ll plan to post the videos here every Thursday regardless if it’s just a video or an article related to the video or both as well as the other usual kinds of posts about whimsical lifestyle inspiration that you find at Miseducated.

Sweet Ways to Make Your Guy Smile

This is one of those drafts that got lost in the shuffle for a few years and I’m finally inspired to write it because it’s actually very sweet. There are more posts of this series coming that many of you will be excited about including a rerelease of ‘Ways to Make Your Best Friend Smile’ which in some ways will seem a tad bit redundant seeing as how your guy is probably also your best friend but generally it’s a much different kind of relationship that I’m referring to.

Valentine’s Day was very recent but that doesn’t mean you have to stop doing sweet things for the one you love or limit it to one silly day a year. This is a list of some of the ways I’ve learned to make my significant other feel better through experiencing life together… Obviously there is always a right time to do things as well as a wrong time and chances are you know when that is since he’s your guy and all. If you don’t, try to pick up on body language and tone from him.

1. Keep your shared space tidy and organized. If he is a slob, do a little extra work or occasionally remind him of his shared chores (but do not nag and do not complain if you choose to do them instead). I always feel like an old school Sim with a full “Room” scale when my house is clean so I assume it makes others feel good as well. A clean and cute home is a happy, inspiring home.

2. Take time out of your day to take care of yourself, fix your hair, paint your nails, shave your legs and put on a cute outfit. Pampering yourself will not only give you a smile and help you feel confident but it will also show your guy that it means a lot to you to look nice for him. Don’t just fancy up when you’re going out on the town but also when you’re staying in together. It will make him feel special that you’re looking nice just for him.

3. Remind him what he does for you and how it makes you feel inside. Tell him about the things you really love that he does each and everyday and the special things he does on rare occasions. Encourage your man to treat you like a princess by reminding him what things he does that make you feel really good.

4. Pamper him on special days. After he gets home from a long day of work or from a night out with the guys have the house tidy and dinner or dessert on the table for you to share by candle light. Sometimes I love to make fondue or a fruit tarte (recipe coming soon!) that we both really love to indulge in. It’s even nice to sit and have the dessert you made with love in your heart while you catch up on a favorite show or watch a movie you’re both interested in.

5. Prepare HIM a decadent bubble bath. I realize it’s not an exceptionally manly thing to take a bubble bath but I’ve found that occasionally it’s also nice for him to relax in the bath while you pamper him. Put in some bubble bath, a bath bomb, bath salts or some drops of essential oil, light some candles or incense (or both!) and bring him a nice, hot cup of green tea and keep him company if he’d like. Ask him about his day and offer to wash his back or massage his feet. These are not only things for men to do to their women, you can also show him you appreciate everything he does for you by pampering him as well.

Cute Date Ideas

1. Attend a local art show. Look up dates and times on your cities website. Many art shows also offer horderves and drinks while you both enjoy looking at the works and discussing them with each other.

2. Pack a cute picnic for two and head off to a park nearby, a secluded spot in the woods or a lovely beach overlooking the water to indulge in some tasty food you’ve prepared and each other. Bring along a camera for extra fun!

3. Plan a game night with our without the children. Play an old favorite together or invite your favorite double date couple. Prepare some easy snacks and drinks and enjoy each other’s company, laughter and some friendly competition.

4. On the next clear night pack a cozy blanket and find a secluded spot away from the city to romantically gaze at the stars together. Pack a light picnic also if you’d like.

5. Don’t feel like splurging on a date at the movie theater? Why don’t you both stay at home, snuggle on the couch and watch one of your favorite films together? Take turns picking the movie and you’ll learn more about each other by which movies you enjoy.

What are some of your favorite ways to make your guy feel special?

Awakening the Divine Intuition

When you first meet someone, your body goes through an entire system of processing input, long before you’re even cognitively aware of what you think about the other person. This process is a collaboration between your senses and your intuition, and it helps you “know” the most important things you need to know about a person within the first few seconds of an encounter. You’ve certainly experienced this before: someone introduces themselves, and immediately you feel your body either opening up to them, or closing itself off. This is due to your body interpreting all kinds of different input and making conclusions that tell you what kind of situation you’re dealing with. It takes into account things like the person’s walk, talk, smell, or eye movements, and decides whether the person is aggressive, shy, nervous, confident, and so forth. Theoretically, if you follow what your intuition tells you and don’t let the process go any further, you can know within a minute if you are in a safe situation or a dangerous one, and to what extent you can relax around this person, both physically and emotionally.

that book

However, what happens after the initial data filter in your “belly brain” or intuition is that the information then goes to the next stage of filtration, in the brain. This is where a less accurate assessment goes on, where your habitual behavioral recognition skills kick in. It’s kind of like you have a database in your mind of all your past experiences and familiar patterns, and when you get in a new situation, your brain tries to make sense of what’s going on by comparing this situation to things it has seen, heard, or experienced in the past. It then tries to categorize this new person in a way that it can recognize and understand.

This is where the problem is. We have a lot of built-up defense mechanisms in place based on beliefs we have and stories we tell ourselves. We have learned and inherited a lot of prejudices that we use to apply to new people, regardless of what our intuition tells us. For example, perhaps when we meet a woman with fake breasts and a fake tan, we automatically assume she is shallow or insecure. Or maybe when we meet a guy with crooked teeth and a southern accent, we assume he is uneducated. When we let this second phase of filtering override our intuition, this sets us up for problems down the road.

Think of it this way: remember when you had that awful breakup, and then when you looked back on the relationship, you realized you knew it was going downhill long before it actually did? Knowing in your belly that things aren’t right is your intuition at work; deciding to ignore the bad gut feeling and continue as if everything is okay is your brain overriding your intuition. It’s strange that we have taught ourselves to do this, because it doesn’t benefit us in any way. Your body never lies, but your brain will tell you whatever it wants you to hear, whatever will protect it from pain in the short term. The brain is a wonderful servant, but it’s the intuition that is the better master. Your “belly brain” is a much more accurate connection with the truth, and the second-hand information from your brain, while useful in many respects, should never be taken as your sole source of facts.

So if the intuition has precision accuracy to lead us out of danger and into happiness, and the brain is flaky at best in this regard, then why do we do we so often override our intuition in favor of the brain? This is exactly what the divine feminine in each of us is crying out about, and it’s why it’s so important, especially in our complex culture, to reawaken her and let her do the job she does best. So much has been written about our systematic blocking of our intuition, but suffice it to say that until we learn how to reconnect and relearn to inner-view, we will continue to put ourselves in dangerous situations.

Sit down and make a chart of body versus brain, and find out which has led you astray more often.

Build a Great Relationship: Start from Within

Dating can be scary. If you’ve just come off a divorce or a serious breakup, you may be wondering if it’s all worth it, or if you’ll just end up in the same place again. If your’e a single parent, you may be hesitant to start bringing someone new into your family’s life. If you’re newly on the scene after not having dated for many years, the thought of online dating can seem intimidating. For whatever reason, if you’re not sure how to approach the whole dating game, try these tips.

Put your most important foot forward. If you start out with “sexy” then that’s what people will value most about you.

Dating is not a sales pitch. Who you are is a sacred gift, it’s not a product.

Know that the single people around you are not your rivals. Smile, we’re all in this together! There’s enough love to go around, you don’t have to fight other people for it.

When you feel that spark of chemistry, ask yourself some questions. Is this excitement, or fear (they feel similar, but not the same)? Do you find yourself questioning your values and action and feeling insecure, or does this person really bring out the wonderful things in you, leaving you feeling invigorated and glowing?

Gently press the brakes. It’s okay to slow down, and it can keep you from making a desperate move that could end in disaster. If this person is really the right one for you, then they’ll be patient and let things happen in due course. There are 1.45 million potential partners out there for you – you don’t have do drastic things with this one right this second in a desperate bid to hang onto them. Just take a step back and think things through before making any big decisions.

Learn about this person and what they have to offer. The last thing you need is to get into a situation where its give-give-give on your end and take-take-take on theirs. You want someone who balances you, where the give and take are equal.

Don’t try to find people who would be attracted to the person you think you should be – go for the ones who like you for who you actually are! I used to put so much effort into making myself less high-maintenance because I thought people wouldn’t be attracted to my big nature. Turns out, my husband loves my big nature exactly the way it is!

Resist the urge to drop your drawers until you’re sure this person shares your relationship goals, and that they feel the same way about you! The day after you have sex is not the time to find out they just want a casual fling, if you’re looking for marriage.

Prepare yourself for your new relationship with a daily clearing ritual. Let go of old items or photos that only bring back painful memories, or you can do what I did and have a wedding ceremony with yourself so that you make the most important commitment of all!

Stick to your guns when it comes to deal-breakers. Perhaps you won’t tolerate a drug-user. Or maybe you can’t stand to be with someone who’s into porn. We all have areas where we draw the line – make a list of yours so that you aren’t tempted to bend those lines. You can learn more about deal-breakers by getting a copy of Hindsight, What You Need to Know Before You Drop Your Drawers.

Never compromise your safety or integrity – trust your true instincts, and don’t set yourself up to fail!

But if you want the best piece of advice ever… it might take you a long time to get in etched in your mind, and to put it into practice, but here it is: Great relationships begin within! ®

Who is to blame? One Iranian Claims Immodest Women.

In a public speech on Friday in Tehran, Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi told the faithful that modesty would be the only thing that would save them.

“Many women who do not dress modestly lead young men astray and spread adultery in society which increases earthquakes,” he added.

Seriously? A statement like that might almost be comical if it weren’t so sad. When I read things like this, all of a sudden it’s no surprise where the archetype of woman-as-victim-or-prostitute comes from. I wonder what else this man would blame on women and their promiscuous ways. Tsunamis? Terrorism? The hole in the ozone layer? Women should be more careful about what they wear, or else the world might collapse in on itself with all our sexual power. It’s hard to imagine why men feel so threatened that they adopt this dangerous and nonsensical line of thinking. I wonder what will be required to snap humanity out of this nightmare of diseased thought.

modesty

If I had the ability to see the future, I would make this man look at the inevitable point his path leads to. The world is now run by women, many of them descendants of Iranian women who, coincidentally, felt the need to create genetic engineering facilities to alter the male anatomy. Nowadays, men aren’t born with penises – penises are only given to those men who show through consistent effort that their actions are worthy of respect, and who can convince a sacred council that they are honorable enough.

If I were an analyst, I might see this as a textbook case of childhood trauma left untreated, and of delusion left unchecked. I would probably note that this man was showing all the classic signs of projection brought on by fear and a feeling of helplessness, thus creating the fantasy in his head that women have some sort of magical evil powers. I’d probably recommend that he take a nice long break in the state hospital while professionals helped get him back on the right track.

If I were enlightened, I would see this as an opportunity to take an extremely weak and sick soul, and help him down the road to spiritual repair. I would recognize immediately that this man had lost his hold on reality, and lost his tether to the Divine. Such a seriously damaged soul would probably need a jump start, which could be implemented by way of a two-by-four to the forehead, as was the tradition of a particular ancient monk.

If I were Mother Nature, I would make it clear to this man how unacceptable I find his false accusations and unjust shame against my beautiful creatures. My point would come across in the form of a shit storm so intense and powerful, he would have no chance against the tidal waves, hurricane winds, and endless bolts of lightning. After I felt I had stated my case adequately, a torrential rain would come down on him, washing him clean of all this nonsense and leaving him free of his delusions.

If I were a man, it would make me sad and angry to see another man behaving like this. My shame at his words would make me want to think of ways that he could be taught not to humiliate and degrade my sisters, mothers, daughters, and indeed all women everywhere. Maybe binding his feet would be a good way to start, or maybe a chastity belt would be an even better idea, so he could feel the oppression right where it hurts a man most.

If I were an Iranian woman, I’d steer clear of the men in Tehran and be a celibate lesbian instead!

Why So Many Women Are Afraid to Self-Promote

Are you a history buff? No? Me either, but I will never forget Glenn Close in Dangerous liaisons. The scene still stuck in my mind where her life of privilege and power climaxes in ruins- because she dared to what? Manipulate people to suit her purposes, avenge herself (jilted by the man she loved who used her and tossed her aside for a younger version), seek revenge, relish the feeling of power, and revel in her own self centeredness. Gosh, this reminds me of something… what is that… I know-MEN.

Ohhhh, wait a minute, is this male bashing? Some may say so, I believe it is simply one passionate opinion about the pandemic affect of this two thousand year old inequity. What I am trying to say really is that, how come when a woman tries to bend things to suit her needs she’s a thankless whore and when men do it they are…just being men. When women are shrewd in business, arranging people, places and things to most optimally benefit her desired goals they are willful bitches and men, savvy hunters?

Am I saying we women want to adopt such scruples? Hell NO. What I am saying is enough already! And set forth a motion to do away with this reckless thinking and embrace a more lavish approach to achieving, creating and realizing what we all want and need and would like.

We will collectively grow up and subscribe to the more the merrier, there is plenty for everyone and then you wait and see what happens!! Until then lets inquire whether or not we want to continue to subscribe to an antiquated way of promoting our passions, taking care of our selves and achieving our deepest desires; groveling along, manipulating our pretty little way to success, trying to be the good girls and wives that we were taught to be.
So let me offer a few pointers and suggestions, how do I promote myself without feeling shame or frightened of how others will view me or instinctively feeling like I may offend people that I believe I need in order to survive~

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First~ Ask yourself who your source is? Go on really. Who or what is the source of flow, money etc in your life. You may not like your answer but you will see it is the source of your angst. A clue is if you believe source is outside of you, or have simply forgotten- there’s the work to be done!

Second~ There is no other! This means we are all one and whatever you see or experience outside your self is simply a projection of your own material and beliefs. Maddening isn’t it. But when you think about it really its empowering and ultimately freeing! And a stellar opportunity to embrace and heal your own beliefs and story about yourself and the world around you! Like men have power women don’t, self promotion is shameful etc. cause if you see it or believe then its true (for you).

Third ~ And last for now , have some fun and stretch yourself. Try celebrating yourself out loud and test some of those theories. Will people really think you’re a shameless self promoter? And if they do, so what? Once a woman told me something I will never forget; “She said to me’ Honey child, half the people you meet aint gonna like you no matter what you do, the other half will. You might as well get over it! So, as Don Miguel Ruiz says, don’t take it personal! Or you stand in it and feel the burn and heal whatever insecurity keeps making you feel this way! I am a big self inquiry fan and find that when I face the daemons they go away. The shadow isn’t so scary when we shed light on what’s really underneath it all!