Why Can’t Everyday Be Like My Birthday?

jamber tea party

We’re often told to do what we want to do on our birthday. We’re able to enjoy sweets without guilt and to celebrate with friends and family. It’s a relaxing day and I want to take time out though today to enjoy every single thing with my family. I want to remember this day.

Why can’t I do that everyday? Why can’t I just take time out to do what I want and enjoy every moment? That’s my new goal this week, for everyday to feel like a special day. To take time out during the day to do things that I want and to make sure to enjoy them.

1. Eat and really enjoy sweets and coffee.
2. Sit outside on the balcony all snuggled in a fluffy blanket and have cocoa toped in marshmallows.
3. Paint colorful deericorns on tiny canvases.
4. Have tea and dessert at a local coffee shop.
5. Read in the bathtub.
6. Have champagne with friends.
7. Dip strawberries in chocolate.
8. Make and decorate cupcakes.
9. Have a tea party.
10. Have a movie marathon.

Write down a list of things you enjoy doing. Write down things that cheer you up even when you’re feeling blue. This is a great list to refer to when you’re feeling bored, unmotivated or a little overworked. You’ll be surprised how much better just doing a few things on your list will make you feel.

Soon I’m going to create little printable journal pages for you to use when reading these posts — I’m hoping it will encourage you to take part in the lessons that have helped me when in need. What sorts of journal pages would you prefer?

Ask Miseducated: Valentine’s Day Gifting

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Reader

Last year my wife flipped out when I bought her lingerie for Valentine’s Day. The truth is, I still don’t know why. She just got angry and said “Isn’t it obvious?” and that was it. Any advice on what I get her this year that won’t set her off (and that we both can enjoy), which is what I thought the point of Valentine’s Day was?

Maryanne

Hi Rob, thanks for your question. And it’s a great question, too, because I know a lot of guys would have blown it off and just guessed again this year, and as you’ve probably figured out, that’s not a great solution if your track record with guessing is less than stellar. Unless of course you just enjoy sexual frustration.

So, in terms of a gift… it’s less about “buying the right thing” and more about getting some clarity on what she expects from Valentine’s Day in terms of general atmosphere and activities, and also what you expect. Because it’s likely that her reaction last year was not so much about the gift in particular, but rather was a symptom of something else going on. Now that she’s had a year to feel resentful about whatever it was, it is more important than ever to get clear on what each of your expectations are.

But how does one begin such a difficult conversation? Starting a simple and loving way, telling her that you realise last year was a little rough, and you were hoping to talk about what you could both do together to make this year really special. One of two things will happen: either she’ll give you a straightforward answer and open up a conversation strictly about possibilities for Valentine’s activities this year, or you might get a chance to listen to the real reasons behind why she was upset last year. This is a great foundation from which to talk about what Valentine’s Day means to both of you.

It’s important, however, to make sure the conversation stays on course. You don’t want to start playing the blame game or devolve into finger-pointing; here are some tips to help you engage in an effective, constructive, and mature conversation.

Start by agreeing on what you’re talking about: “I would like to talk about how we can make Valentine’s Day special.”

Don’t ruin things with bad timing: When you say, “I want to talk,” most women will want to talk right now. Keeping that in mind, it’s probably not a great idea to approach the subject when she’s agitated about something, in a hurry, or in the middle of doing something else.

Set up ground rules: Maybe you could agree to each have 3 to 5 minutes to speak uninterrupted, about whatever you would like (this Valentine’s Day, last Valentine’s Day, or whatever you want). Make sure you are careful to focus on your feelings rather than your perceptions of what the other person did wrong. For example, “I felt confused when you got angry” is much more constructive phrasing than “you always get angry for no reason.”

Recap what you heard: It’s important to take turns and repeat what the other person said, so that you are each sure your message is getting through.

Talk honestly about the ideal situation: Take another 3 to 5 minutes each describing what an ideal Valentine’s Day would be like if you could have everything exactly how you wanted it.

Negotiate for each other: It might go like this: she might say, “how about we go see a movie, then we’ll come home and I’ll make you dinner, and maybe I’ll give you a massage?” Then he might say, “why don’t I take you out to dinner before the movie, then afterward we can come home and give each other massages?”

Connecting with and listening to each other is a delicate art. Each of us is subject to changing moods and changing desires, and often we expect the other person to read our mind. When you hear what each other is saying, often you find you’re looking for the same thing: to spend time together and be happy around one another. There may be some compromise involved, but remember that the true meaning of Valentine’s Day is that love is kind, responsible, and above all, respectful.

Miseducated Ezine: The Valentine Edition

ezine

Valentine’s Day, an excuse for us to spoil the ladies in our lives most often and also the men. If you’re feeling lonely this Valentine’s Day do something fun with someone you love, no matter who it is. Brighten their day and they’ll brighten yours! I almost think Valentine’s Day is just a little reminder for us to be more thoughtful to each other (and to be overwhelmed by hearts and candy).

Lucky for me I have an unhealthy obsession to hearts (it was the first thing I learned to draw as a toddler!) because my birthday happens to be the day before Valentine’s Day — which means eating out at two nice (and Japanese) restaurants and getting way too many (impossible!) hearty gifts.

So no matter what you do this Valentine’s Day enjoy a heart-shaped lollipop in a pink champagne bubble bath just for you.

Valentine Recipes

Valentine Soda a Valentine favorite! (xoxo, Amber Renee & Ashley Galliher)
Carbonated beverage
Strawberry sorbet (or ice cream)
Whipped cream
Strawberry preserves

Dispense ginger ale or any carbonated drink above strawberry ice cream in tall glass and top with whipped cream and strawberry preserves.

happyvday

Valentine Omelet (ala Doe Deere)
Tomato & Mozarella Valentine’s Day Omelet (to surprise your sweetie in the morning)
Makes enough for 2.

Mix 3 eggs, a cup of milk and a pinch of salt together
Pour mixture onto the hot, lightly oiled pan
Slice cherry tomatoes in halves and arrange them in a pattern (feel free to make a heart, a smiling face, etc.)
Sprinkle shredded cheese (such as mozzarella) on top. Season with dried or fresh basil & pepper.
Cook under the lid for 4-5 minutes.
Serve on a contrast plate (I got mine at Target).

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Love Online

Heart Pumps & Shoe Lust ala Audrey
Shabby and Sweet by Papercakes
Open Letters to my Heart from Glass of Win
Customize your Accessories with Doe Deere
Pink Box
Cupcake Store Online
Celebrate Valentine’s Day Without Spending Money
Raising Emotionally Healthy Children
Valentine’s Day on the Cheap

Life & love require experience… or just let Miseducated writer Michelle Shea Walker lend you hers.
Experience Preferred

Valentine Entertainment

One of the best things about Valentine’s Day (in my opinion) is the abundance of pink, red and heart themed specials online and offline everywhere.
Find love in Pet Society, Country Story, Restaraunt City and Hello Kitty Online

Valentine Specials

Twinkiechan‘s lovely Valentines
Sugarpill Launch (code: “hello15” for 15% off your order through Valentine’s Day)
Hello Kitty Valentine
Lime Crime (code: “bemyvalentine” for 10% off your entire order)
Valentine’s Day at fredflare

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ala Twinkiechan

Valentinspiration

Life on lovely days.

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Prarie Cake

cupcake cutie

true to you

trois tea

Summer Sundae

Printable Panda!

nassau

Coming Soon Online

Original electronic music to soar to.
Audrey Kitching’s handpicked goodies and one of a kind merchandise in an adorable shop online.

Miseducated News

Support Miseducated
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Tease
Miseducated is going to be offering hand-painted tees for a limited time. Miseducated members will get first pick and the remaining shirts will be sold online.

Single for Valentine’s Day

“Where can you go to meet people if you’re single?” the reporter asked. He was writing a column about Valentine’s Day, and I had agreed to help him out.

“It depends on what you’re looking for,” I replied. “The right place for you to go may not be the right place for anyone else. I mean, I couldn’t recommend a restaurant for you until I know what kind of food you like! There’s no point in telling you to go to my favorite seafood restaurant if you hate fish.” This is the problem with the singles community: many people think that there’s one magic place out there to meet the right people, and that the same solution should work for everyone.

Sure, that approach is fine if you’re not terribly picky about whom you end up with, but most of us probably want something a little more specific. In that case, you have to take the time to identify what that specific thing is, what you want and what would make you happy. Once you are clear about your own feelings and desires, then it’s time to go out and find people who share those same values. Ask yourself, where would those sorts of people hang out? Those are the places that you need to go. If you surround yourself with like-minded people and let your true self shine through, a lot of great things will start happening.

“But how can single people cope with being alone on Valentine’s Day?” he wondered.

“There’s no coping necessary if you think of Valentine’s Day as a celebration,” I said. “Just like any other aspect of life, you can choose to be positive or negative. If there’s no one pampering you, do it yourself! Get out there and have the things you want, buy yourself flowers, get spa treatments, or whatever makes you happy. Life will turn around and treat you exactly how you treat yourself, so this is a perfect chance to give yourself some love and attention. If you are true to this intention and stick with it, you’ll attract the right people sooner than you realize.”

He asked again about the best places to find romance, so I tried repeating my point in a different way. “The place you need to find romance is inside yourself. There is nothing out in other places except a reflection of what’s within you. So the focus needs to be inward, taking care of yourself and what you want, and then focusing on putting that message out into the world. If you go out knowing exactly who you are and what you’re looking for, you will end up at the right places to find those things and people.”

The reason people keep finding the same disappointment again and again is because they keep looking in random places and settling for things they don’t really want. So if you want to do this right, find your real self first, focus on what makes you truly happy, and go out concentrating on doing what you love.

In short: it’s about what’s within you, not about what’s out there. Focus in the right direction and you’ll start having the things you want reflected back to you!