The Only Reason to get Married is…

‘Tis the season to… get hitched? Well, maybe weddings themselves are more popular in June, but according to a survey sponsored by the Fairchild Bridal Group (the people who publish Modern Bride) marriage proposals in November and December represent more than a quarter of all proposals for the entire year. And this is the reason most people get married – not because they’ve thought about why they want to get married, but simply because someone asked them! This brings me to the subject of this week’s blog: a young man I met recently named Antonio. He’s 24, and he used to play soccer in his native Spain but had to give it up after a foot injury ended his career. He made the best of his situation and turned to music and songwriting as a new career path. I encountered him because he provides music equipment for bands, and also karaoke machines for people like me who like to have noisy Xmas parties. As we chatted, he mentioned that he loves his job, he loves his band, and he has an ex-girlfriend he’s thinking about marrying. As you can imagine, I made a face at that, and asked him for clarification.

I mean, why would he want to marry someone who is his EX-girlfriend? Presumably the EX part is for a reason! He suddenly got very quiet and shrugged and said, “I guess I just… I don’t know… you know, she really wants to get married.” What? No no no. NO! I cannot have any response to that other than NO.

I asked Antonio if he would be interested in the kind of advice that would change his life and his way of thinking. I explained a little about who I am and what I do, and before he could really respond either way, I jumped right in to tell him my thoughts on the matter. After all, when again would I get an opportunity to mold his young spirit and get him onto the right path? I knew this was a critical moment and I would only have one chance to get it right.

“Here’s the thing, Antonio,” I said. “The only reason you should ever even CONSIDER, even for a brief moment, the sacrament of marriage, is because when you wake up in the morning, this beautiful, amazing person is the first thought in your head, and that thought makes you glow from the inside all day long, and you cannot stop thinking about how lucky you are that you get to spend your free time with this person, and that you get to be the recipient of their love and respect, and vice-versa. There should be no doubt in your mind that this is how you feel, before you even let the word ‘marriage’ come anywhere near the conversation.”

He stared at me as if he’d just been smacked in the face with a book and was wondering which direction it came from, and thought I knew I came on strong, I did it intentionally, hoping to get through to his young brain. He could have responded in a dismissive or irritated way, but he didn’t – he simply stared at me for a few seconds, and then slowly said, “thanks for that.” Did I get through to him? Well, of course I have no way of knowing for sure, but lets just say that this very professional and very competent young man left without collecting the very item he came to pick up.

And that made my day! It always thrills me when I can get through to people by using my larger-than-life passion for helping people find real love!

Mew for Today: Baby Changes Everything INSIDE

.. and if you’ve worked hard and stayed positive chances are these changes are awesome and very welcome into your life! Success is a state of mind.. remember, you’ll never be exactly where you want to be because you’ll always be striving for bigger and better things.

I’m keeping my own little secrets (haha, I guess I actually just blabbed) but I won’t be able to hide them for long.. so alas I’m on the look for delicious maternity wear for fashionable mothers to be or mothers that HAVE been. <3

TWIN SYNDROME: High-Rise Panties

Nothing’s sexier than what you Don’t Show!
Great for under high-rise jeans for a flash of extra coverage, for nursing mommies, for smoothing the look of that clingy dress, general layering on cold winter days, and just plain ol’ fun when stripping down!

Stretchy 95% cotton, 5% spandex blend is very comfortable and forgiving, french cut bottoms are sexy and flattering!

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Plum Pretty Sugar Loungerie

If you’re feeling a need to lounge around, why not look beautiful while you do it? Always take time with your appearance and you’ll be pleased feeling like a queen rather than a slug.

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Haramaki Love

Whether you choose to wear it under or over your shirt, the tiny white heart really adds adorable to your maternity ensemble!

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YY Studio

Go Rosemary’s Baby style (this is what I wore BEFORE I was expecting) with mod little tent dresses and sweet minis.

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Sub Rosa Fashion

Soft and fantastic knitted mini dresses that are loose and soft enough to feel as sweet as they look!

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Craft Junky

These indoor shoes and house slippers are bright and cheerful — if your feet are uncomfortable they can be soft in style.

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Develop Great Mate-dar!

You’re single and want to meet that someone special NOW! Especially since we are on the cusp of the holidays, right? So naturally your Mate-dar (your ability to suss out a great mate) is turned up a notch. Or so you think. Truth is, Mate-dar is only as good as its end user.

So, whatever the reason, you’re on the prowl for a significant other. Maybe you feel you’re ready for a commitment. Maybe you’re looking for companionship. So you feel like your “Mate-dar” (your ability to suss out a great mate) is in full force, turned up top notch. But the truth is – even if you have the purest of intentions for seeking out a relationship – nobody’s Mate-dar is perfect.
The problem—or, should I say, one of the many challenges— with being human is knowing the difference between who we are and who we are not. Making the all-important distinction between our unconscious persona and our authentic, healthy, whole selves. Until we have addressed this process it is likely that our wounded little kid has a hold of an adult tool, waving it around like a toy, and then BANG! somebody gets hurt. Our Mate-dar, when operated by our 5-year-old wound, can get us into a lot of trouble—as would any part of ourselves we have not made peace with, healed or become aware of on some level.

In the case of seeking a great partner, when we are seeing through the eyes of a wound we are less likely to see clearly! This can show up in different ways (boy, can they be tricky, slippery and subtle all at once), most of them falling under the guise of denial or rationalization.

Here’s a great story to illustrate how elusive accessing our very own truth can be.
My husband, David, got on the scale this morning. I could hear the clang and distinct argh. “How can that be? I gained four pounds? I have only been eating lettuce all week, for crying out loud.” I tried to comfort him by saying that muscle weighs more than fat, and then burst out laughing, realizing that’s what I told myself last time I got on the scale. After we lavished one and another with a few more excuses, we decided that the scale was broken and we needed to get a new one. One that told us what we wanted to hear! That we were not fat!

I have learned it’s one thing to sit around and bitch and moan wishing things were different, and another to do something about it. So I went for a run, then later we went to get the scale. Apparently doing a little of both.

pretty in pink

“It’s never a good idea to weigh yourself late in the day, sweetie” I reminded him as he stepped off the fancy glass scale in Bed Bath and Beyond, that seconds before had held such promise. “Yeah, but this one says I weigh even more than the one at home—did I gain four more pounds since we left?” I wasn’t laughing, as I was about to climb on. Mind you, I don’t make it a habit to get on scales—I know all too well they are not my friends, because I almost never feel better about myself as a result! How bad could it be? I thought. I run and eat well and anyway I would know if I… “What the…? A hundred and…? Wow, I don’t know what to say, except …that scale can’t be right!” I leapt off like it was a bed of hot coals.

“Oh, look, here’s one that tells you how much muscle versus fat you have, and it will show us how much water we are retaining! Let’s try it. You go first!” I said. David placed the Ferrari version of a scale on the floor, took his flip-flops off again and stepped on. “Uh oh…uhhhh… Wait, try that one, that’s just a regular old scale,” and quickly pointed to another. He put the Ferrari one back, put the next one on the floor and hopped on. We both waited as it calculated. “Well, this one says the same thing as the one at home does,” he shrugged. ‘Which means—uh…we’re fat, right?” We both laughed, let it sink in for a minute, and then decided that since we were ready to admit the truth, that we weighed more than we wanted to, we might as well buy the really cool one that told us in great detail all about it.

What the heck does this have to do with relationships? That’s a very good question, and if you answered “Everything!” you are definitely smarter than the average bear!

Pay attention, ‘cause this is some heavy. It doesn’t get any more real than this kind of reality. A huge contributor, if not a top ten reason so many of us don’t have a GREAT relationship, is—we don’t tell ourselves (or others) the truth. It’s an exact proportion, as a matter of fact! Think about it. Let’s say I asked you right now to write down your name, how much you weigh, how much you make a year, the color of your eyes, hair, your shoe size, how tall you are, where you live. Nine out of ten of you would lie about at least half. The rest of you would at least exaggerate or minimize. Don’t believe me, go grab the next person you see and tell them how much you really weigh. How tall you are, to the centimeter. What color your hair really is. How old you actually are. Go down the list; if you are honest with yourself, you will see how often we lie about the most mundane things. Why? Because of what we make it mean:

I weigh X = I am fat = no one will want/love me
I am X years old = I am too old = no one will love me
I am five feet X = too short (or tall) = no one wants that = no one will want me
My real hair color is X = I am unattractive = no one will love me
I make X amount of money = I am poor = no one will want to be with me/love me

So we do what my husband and I tried to do. We slip right into the old river called Denial. We begin with some simple rationalizations, adding or taking away a zero here and there. What harm can it do? we think, Who cares? If I don’t care, why should anyone else? Well, that’s the problem. You do care, or you wouldn’t bother lying—especially to yourself!

You can see how easy it is to miss cues, red flags and warnings or signs from another person that they really aren’t interested. Our agenda for love can be so strong, our wound-ology so ingrained, that it actually distorts reality! Here are some recommendations to help develop or adjust our Mate-dar.

One of my favorites is to interview people who have the kind of relationship you want. If you can’t interview, at least pay attention and jot down some features that stand out for you!

Date yourself seriously. Yes, seriously…date yourself. Make a date, get ready for it, pick the place you want yourself to take yourself, the whole nine, and do it. How do you like your own company, what do you notice about yourself?
Interview yourself. Yeah, why not? Who are you? What do you want out of life? What’s your five-year plan, what is your relationship history? Ask yourself all the questions you would ask of another, and see how you react or what comes up for you.

Have a few practice dates with real people to see how well your intuition is working. Yes, a date where you actually try and work on your weakness. Maybe you even ask the person for feedback about you and see how your perceptions compare. Could be very enlightening, if you have the courage!

Look, if you don’t take care to do these things, or things like this, for yourself, why would you expect anyone else to? Awakening to consciousness is not for lightweights—it’s hard work, and you got want the good stuff! Like I always say, great relationships begin within. Don’t kid yourself!

Qualities in a Partner

I heard the most evil thing the other day. My definition of evil is often flexible, lying somewhere in between totally heinous and completely ridiculous. This story falls in there–you decide for yourself.

My gal pal told me she read a book this guy wrote ( If I had one less scruple, I might tell you his name–for now, we’ll call him something friendly, like Penile Supremacist…PS for short. Fine–forget that, let’s just call him Jack. There! Who can argue with that?) So JACK made quite an impression on my not-so-easily-impressionable gal pal recently. She rang me straight away to give me the scoop.

“Maryanne, you’re not going to believe what @#$% says in his book!” She’s known me for 15 years now, knows that in general male/female issues have been in my top 10 list of favorite things to get bunged up about…particularly when they’re coming from downwind, let’s say. Historically, she delivers the message and then runs for cover. As she started recounting “The top10 qualities women are looking for in relationship with men,” my eyes started rolling back in my head. (I get bored easily sometimes.) Here’s all I can remember:love-is

1. Presence

2. Intelligence

3. Sense of humor

However, I perked up a bit when she started on the men’s list, which I remember every detail of, luckily. You have to be so excited–are you? I mean, finally someone is willing to divulge such privileged information–top 10 qualities men are looking for in relationship with YOU! Here they are, in order of importance:

1. Great in the sack

2. Great in the sack

3. Great in the sack

4. Great in the sack

5. Great in the sack…

Sorry.. I know I am going too fast–I do that sometimes–but did you get that so far, ’cause I have 5 to go… but – you already know what the rest of them are. Exactly–great in the sack, great in the sack, great in the sack, great in the sack, great in the sack.

Now then while I am sure JACK has some motivation for telling this story, other than to humiliate men for making them appear as though they have no discretion–which would really be like saying men are stupid (that can’t be true). Perhaps he’s simply lost his way. I must give him credit for the fact that he apparently asked these gentleman to rethink the question, and they did come up with some insightful, significant qualities they are looking for in their relationships with women.

Apparently our friend (who now shall, for his own protection, remain nameless) has not been informed that hormonal litmus testing is medieval, that we live in houses now, we even read and write. (How did he miss that?) We have developed skills beyond pounce and attack. How does someone who is in the position of teaching open, impressionable people get away with spouting ancient stereotypes like he was proud of the “well-known fact” that men often think with their smorgasbords?

The point is–well, one point is: Making love is an art – and it’s not just about the sex. It’s no wonder so many women think being great in the sack is a good investment of their time. How about we all revisit that list, people…take pen and paper and really make a list. Look and see what unconscious ideas you may have about the other sex…’cause when mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy!

On Being Miseducated for Life

Sure, why not. So the word LIFE is a little loaded, or scary, or both. A lifestyle and way of living… that’s really a bizarre thing for women to grasp sometimes. When you wake up a little hungover and your mascara has smeared across your pillow, is that a lifestyle? We’re not all mothers, homemakers, students, wives, career-driven, party girls, crafty mavens, so why accept Miseducated so freely into our life and mantras? Well don’t unless you feel you’re a little conventionally different, your lifestyle is a little odd but that’s what makes it rad.

There is no necessary reason to sprinkle the table as well as your cocoa. There is no need for a tiny, pink lamp that releases such a faint fairy glow so that you can hardly see your hand in front of your face at night. These are the lovely pieces that nestle within your life, they add a sense of nostalgia, whimsy and they make you smile.

Now, some tips for making your life and your home a little bit more Miseducated whilst in the lifestyle battle of deciding what you’ll do once you actually have clean laundry…

Miseducating your Life Tips

When you finish making your cocoa, whether pink or not, top with a few sprinkles. Add more happy hues into your world where they are sparse. Colors affect your mood but it doesn’t mean a little more here and there isn’t perfectly acceptable. I’m telling you it is.

Before bed and after a bubble bath or shower, grab some of your favorite scented lotion and rub it all over your body excluding your face! Keep a bottle in your night stand for just this purpose. While you sleep your body sweats and leaves the scent behind, your bedsheets however will smell like your favorite delicious lotion when you jump in next!

When choosing home decor don’t stick with safe, muted colors. Choose your favorite colors, choose bases you feel comfortable with, such as black and white or chocolate brown, and add accents of your favorites everywhere. Each and every table, shelf and desk are stylized scenes you have created, feel free to nestle glass bottles of your colors and candles, knick knacks. Hit the antique shops or your local thrift store for some unique, inexpensive finds.

Hide tiny positive fortunes (from fortune cookies, of course!), pictures and notes in numerous, unexpected places around your home. You’ll find these and smile later.

Remember, your creativity can only be expressed by you. Stay tuned for more nonsensical tips in the future.